inside a skinny mind

Jenna Marbles, I so want to be friends with you!

2011-09-24T13:15:00.001+01:00

Sex in Seven Dials

2011-09-22T21:20:00.001+01:00

I was initially slightly apprehensive about posting this story as I feel it's a bit harsh, he's such a sweet guy really...

After Heathcliff, gross midsummer man and the Tory gay I really couldn't be bothered anymore. So the following weeks were spent working and enjoying summer with my friends. But on a lonely Wednesday night this guy who had been courting me (yes, courting is the only way to explain it) for weeks actually asked me out on a date which I accepted. I mean, he seemed to sweet after all!

Being so indifferent about the whole date made me lazy, really really lazy... I couldn't even be bothered to wash my hair. I also insisted the he would come up to Seven Dials as I really did not want to have to go into town for a guy I wasn't even in to. This guy was basically the man version of a greasy takeaway pizza - cheap, easy and conveniently delivered to your front door.

I met him at the roundabout and we circled the dials on a mini pub crawl - the Tin Drum, the West Hill and Shakespeare's head. Now here comes the part where I wish I could say that I was pleasantly surprised, that this really nice guy who so sweetly asked me out on a midweek date turned out to be amazingly fascinating.

As you can imagine, this was not the case. This man was by far the most boring person I have ever been on a date with. Five minute conversations felt hours long and I actually caught myself yawning a couple of times. We'd only been out a couple of hours but I had already downed at least 4 glasses of red wine in hope of some sort of stimulation.

One thing led to another and for some reason he ended up in my flat (big mistake!). I was drunk, tired and bored, and this guy clearly wasn't going anywhere. Half an hour went past and I realised the only way to get rid of him was to sleep with him. So we had sex. The most boring 'going through the motions' sex of my life, even with the wine buzz the whole thing was so dull I couldn't help my mind drifting off planning the next day's laundry and food shop.

As it was approaching midnight I could finally tell him to leave as I had an early start the next morning cursing myself for not just deciding to stay in and watch a shitty film by myself. Just like a cheap takeaway pizza it seemed like a good idea at the time, but afterwards you're left with a greasy cardboard box and slight nausea.

Thai Food With a Gay Tory

2011-09-20T20:56:00.001+01:00

This summer has been busy to say the least. I have had many blog worthy experiences, and although not yet posted, they have indeed been documented. I have decided that it's time to start up a new blog, slightly more mature with significantly less self-obsessed neuroticism. However, I feel that Inside a Skinny Mind requires a conclusion after all these years, so after some editing I will publish all saved posts from this summer. Here's the first one:

After being seriously turned off by the whole Heathcliff experience, I dragged myself out of my misery and agreed to go on a date with someone who seemed really nice. That was basically it, he seemed like a really nice person, no physical attraction and no chemistry from my side. That should have been the first warning.

So this guy is 25 years old, successful, sorted and sane. He took me for a lovely dinner, and get this, he paid for the whole thing on the first date. The conversation however was something beyond what is usually to be expected in Brighton.

In this town we are used to a general political alignment amongst the majority of the population, and even if you are not a hippy you expect most people to lean more towards the left. And if they don't they should at least feel ashamed to talk about it on a first date in a Kemptown restaurant.

The 'prefect' guy's monologues included how much he loves money and earning it in a managerial position, how he hates travelling to places like Spain and Italy as the natives are too unbearable, how 'poor' people, immigrants and drug addicts are draining our economy and welfare system. Also, he couldn't understand how you can possibly live without a washing machine.

The whole dinner was definitely a 'nod and smile' situation on my side, I couldn't believe it. I had found a creature only to believed to be an urban myth, a real life conservative homosexual! Strangely though my non-British citizenship or lack of washing machine didn't seem to bother him at all.

I started missing my crusties and said I was having really bad hayfever so had to go home to take an antihistamine. He may have been a tory but he was a gentleman, so he drove me home in his Jaguar (seriously, what 25 year old drives a Jag!?). I knew it could never progress to anything serious, or even casual for that matter, but at least I got to have a slight James Bond fantasy when riding in his fancy car.

He never text me again but this is the first time I've ever had an allergic reaction to a guy so that's probably for the best. But at least I now know to be suspicious of any 25 year old in a Jaguar.

Passive Aggressive Romance

2011-06-30T20:55:00.005+01:00

The dating disaster on Saturday was followed by a perfect match I managed to find who cancelled on me yesterday. He is 20 and works in Topshop, oh and very gorgeous! But this perfect match had the audacity to cancel on me yesterday. I was disappointed to say the least and ready to swear off men for good and become a lesbian. However, remember my romantic hero Heathcliff? Well, he came to the rescue and we arranged to meet up again tonight.

So it's now 9 o'clock and I'm sitting at home. Why am I not with my romantic hero? After only having been on one date we had our first passive aggressive argument... this can't ever end well.

So here's an outline of our Text message conversation:

Me - 4 pm: Hey, how are you? Still fancy going out later?

Heathcliff - 5.15 pm: Sure what time were you thinking? Where would you like to go?

Me - 5.23 pm: Well, it's a school night so can't really stay out too late, but can meet you somewhere at 8? (reasonable for a Thursday surely?)

Heathcliff - 6.11 pm If you like we could meet later in Charles street and go out to a club. Then I'll be able to go to the gym now (did he not read/understand my message?! Charles street? Gym? Seriously?)

Me - 6.13 pm: Ah sorry can't really have a late one today, could perhaps meet you on Saturday instead? (Mention again I can't go out too late in case he didn't get it the first time... and showing flexibility for the willingness to sacrifice a Saturday night)

Heathcliff - 6.14 pm: You can't today? It was only an idea. Because you said you can have a late one today. I'll be in London over the weekend (can he even read!?)

Me - 6.17 pm: Sorry I meant that I can't have a late one today, I need to have an early night... but we could meet for a bit at 8? (I think I mentioned this earlier!)

Heathcliff - 6.50 pm: What would you like to do? Or we could meet at 9.30 and go for a drink and a walk somewhere? (seriously, it's like talking to a brick wall)

Me - 7.02 pm: We could meet for a drink I suppose, how bout 8.30 in the North Laines? (Look, I can compromise!)

Heathcliff - 7.24 pm: The problem is that I'm now at the gym. If we were to meet at 8.30 I would have to leave now. Let's meet in North Laines at 9.30, it would be good to see you. (Since when did people start choosing gym over sex!?)

By this point I got really annoyed, I had text him hours ago saying we should have an early date, and he somehow managed to end up the gym anyway. I threw in the towel with a very passive aggressive reply:

Me - 7.31 pm Well, I've already said I can't stay out too late so maybe we should just meet up some other time when we both have time

This is the third dating disaster in the past week. Thank god I'm going to Berlin on holiday soon, I definitely need an emotional vacation!

A Midsummer Night's Dream

2011-06-27T18:23:00.000+01:00

This weekend it was my favourite holiday; Swedish Midsummer. One of the few holidays left that are not completely stressful and capitalised, and there is no pressure on it whatsoever, which is probably why I like it. In theory, the only thing you ever do on Midsummer is to sit outside in someone's garden, eat loads of nice Swedish food and get really really drunk... What's not to like!?

So this is the story about my Midsummer's eve.

It started off in Northern Lights with a lovely late lunch and drinks with some of my loveliest Brighton Swedes. There was smoked salmon and beer on a Saturday afternoon, two of my favourite things ever.

In the evening I went to St Anne's Gardens in Seven Dials where some of my friends had gathered with other Swedes for some hardcore Midsummer game playing. This is my least favourite part of this holiday, having to play games outside and pretend to like them. I hardly knew anyone there and was just sat on a blanket chain-smoking and eating cake whilst they were all being ridiculously active for a Saturday night. I was not dressed for physical activity.

I managed to escape the game playing in the park with 2 of my closest Swedes. We went to a friend's flat where others who were also dressed up had gathered to sit inside and drink - now that's something I can do.

They were all planning to go to the cheap Saturday night in Audio which I've done a few times, so I didn't really fancy it too much. Instead I had organised a date for this magical evening. This turned out to be a disastrous move.

I met him around 10.30 in a South Laines pub. I expected him to be suave and charming, as I had seen him before. But I think my imagination had exaggerated him a lot. A huge lot. When I met him I instantly had to repress my gag reflex.

But wait, it gets worse. He then dragged me to Charles Street of all places, where they were having some sort of faux Christmas. Amongst all the Christmas trees and the half naked bar staff with santa hats I realised I had to escape the claws of this disgusting guy.

I had to make a swift exit, there was no other choice! I had to play this right, because no way could this be the end of my night, I had to go meet my friends at Audio instead of going home, so I couldn't say I was ill in case I accidentally ran in to him later on.

I'm not very good at improvising, so halfway through our drinks in Charles Street I looked at my phone, pretending to be really surprised by a text message, and blurted out 'Oh my god! I just remembered... my best friend, she's umm.... going away! For a year... or a year and half! She's umm.... going to Vietnam, and Cambodia, and Laos! To pick rice...umm...for a year and a half! I just have to go see her before she gets her plane tomorrow...! I'm really sorry!'

I definitely think he bought it.

We left anyway, and obviously my friend lived in the opposite direction from where I know he was living, so we said our goodbyes, and then I hid around the corner from Charles Street until he was out of sight. I then sneaked back onto the pavement and stumbled in to Audio.

I met my friends in the club, and the misty Midsummer turned out quite good in the end.

Wuthering Heights

2011-06-19T14:26:00.005+01:00

Right, imagine this... It's midnight, I'm standing with a man I've only just met on the Brighton seafront. The wind is incredibly strong making the waves cascade onto our feet as we try and maintain our balance on the pebbles. It's quite cold, dark and empty, nothing but the forces of nature and us facing them. Suddenly this man, this stranger who I had only met a few hours earlier, leans over and kisses me.

'Is this it?' I thought... 'is this my Heathcliff moment'? The setting was perfect, I couldn't have imagined a more romantic time and place for a first kiss. At that moment I was head over heals infatuated! But alas, I should have known better. When approaching my mid-twenties I should have acquired enough cynicism to not be duped by such a perfect situation. As it turns out, Heathcliff was a terrible kisser. Actually, terrible doesn't even make him justice. Imagine a propeller going through your mouth... Or those little firemen from the Gaviscon advert...

The situation nearly made me laugh though, it was too perfect, something had to go wrong. Within minutes I had put this man on a pedestal so I should have seen it coming. In the end I had a really nice evening though, and I ended up spending the night at his place, and I am considering seeing him again. But when does it become OK to tell someone that they are a bad kisser? I've only just met him so it would probably be a bit rude to just blurt it out next time I see him. But at some point this needs to be brought to his attention! What if he's lived his whole life kissing people like that!?

The next day I woke up, stumbled around his flat gathering my clothes whilst having the compulsory 'so... what are you doing today?' discussion. I always feel like I need to make things up in these situations, only to make my life sound more exciting. Like '...well, first I'm seeing a friend for lunch, then I am going to a really amazing party for someone's magazine launch birthday fashion dancing whatever...' when in reality I am just going home to drink coffee and update my blog. But I don't want to appear as lame in front of my romantic hero despite his propeller tongue.

I will probably see Heathcliff again, perhaps in a high class prostitute type way, as in no kissing just sex.

Dating an Older Man - Part II

2011-05-31T13:02:00.006+01:00

A week ago I went on my first date with the older man who I had arrange to see a couple of months ago. We kept cancelling on each other for ages, but eventually managed to actually meet up. I met him on a random Thursday night in the Tin Drum by Seven Dials, the whole thing was very grown-up! We got on OK I suppose, but I didn't really feel that spark. He was nice and all, but hey, so are most people and I don't walk around fancying most people.

The thing that hit me though, is that for me, a free spirited 24 year old, dating is pretty much a social experiment, like Big Brother with cocktails. But for him, approaching his 40s, I sensed he had a much more serious attitude towards the whole thing. So whilst I was being very indifferent to the whole thing he was really taking things seriously.

It should have stopped. I know it was wrong for me to lead him on. Like an animal being hit by a car, I should have just put him out of his misery and ended it then and there.

As you can imagine, this didn't happen. The first date ended with a very romantic kiss on my door step before i fluttered up the stairs in my slightly drunken state. I then agreed to meet up with him a few days later. This time it was dinner - this is when I sensed he meant business. But again I excused myself, having to work the next day, and went home by myself.

The last date however, I knew I was being cruel. We went to the cinema and had drinks afterwards, and I could tell by his vocabulary that he thinks this is going somewhere completely different than me. Talking about trips we could take, things we could do, etc. You can imagine. By the way, this was the third date and so far I hadn't slept with him so he must really like me.

I know I should stop seeing him, but it's very hard to end it with someone without sounding like a Hollywood cliche, 'it's not you, it's me'... or 'I'm just not that into you'... or 'Ummm... I'm moving to Yemen!'. I'm not sure honesty is the best policy, he is a nice person and all. It just seems nicer to pull a little white lie. 'I'm getting back together with an ex' ... or 'I'm joining a cult'. At the moment I'm faking illness... surely there must be a better way!

Shopping in Sweden

2011-04-20T17:08:00.005+01:00

I have retreated to Sweden for the Easter weekend, as much needed free food is required. However, the best thing about being at home is the shopping, the nice Swedish shopping which for some reason is better. Well, not necessarily better in general, but when browsing through the sales racks I usually have much more luck here than in the UK.

For some reason, whenever there's a sale on in any shop in England they seem to only locate the most random 'tea-towel looking' t-shirts with faded prints in size XXL. These 'tea-towel' clothes (or cloths) are never to be seen on the main shop floor ever, but seem to be put away in a vault only to be taken out when the mandatory sales are put out. So if you ever go to Sweden, make sure you take the time to go through the discount rails!

Dating an Older Man - Part I

2011-04-17T20:47:00.000+01:00

Ever since the spring sun made its first of many appearances in the past weeks Brighton as a city has once again come back to life after its dreadful yet mandatory winter sleep. Suddenly chairs and tables outside coffee shops and restaurants are no longer left empty in the cold rain, and the beach is full of people, children, dogs, skateboards, balls and bonsai trees (love that stall by the west pier!).

In terms of dating there has been none! My newest potential spring-fling however, is an older man, thirteen years my senior which on the one hand could be a fun and exciting new thing to try, I’m sure he’s got interesting things to say and have much more experience with dating and sex than people my own age. At the same time, how much will we have in common? I can’t imagine going to the club night ‘It’s still 1984’ with someone who actually remembers 1984!

I was meant to see him this week, but our plans to date fell through. The day before the arranged date he text me saying that he accidentally ‘double booked’ himself and couldn’t meet me until after 9. I couldn’t believe that! Double booked? Me? Him? Maybe it’s just me being too young and immature in comparison to him but when I have a date I wouldn’t just ‘forget’ about it and accidentally double book! I would obsess for days, make sure I go to the launderette on the right day optimising wardrobe choices for the said night. Double booking is not OK, at least not for my generation.

After divulging this information I said I had a very early morning and couldn’t meet him that late and that I’m going away for a week so I won’t be free until after Easter. If he’s double booked I am going to play hard to get because he’s dealing with an immature twenty-something!

Shake Weight For Men

2011-03-15T22:08:00.000Z

I don't know whether to laugh or cry, but this is absolutely hilarious! I'm not sure if it's meant to be ironic or not...

The Zumba Conspiracy

2011-03-13T15:00:00.004Z

Seriously, what is this Zumba business? And why is the whole of Brighton suddenly going to Zumba, talking about Zumba and starting sentences (and Facebook statuses) with '...last night, at Zumba...'? Is it just me or did this Zumba thing come completely out of nowhere? Now some friends of mine have fallen into the social vortex of the Zumba craze, but I really don't get it!

I'm a firm believer in evolution, things should have a chance to evolve into mainstream culture gradually. It's the natural way. We all got used to yoga and pilates, but there's something freaky about Zumba. There has been no features on Television and I have never read any newspaper or magazine articles about Zumba, but all of a sudden it's all I can hear people talking about in the queue at Caffe Nero or when having lunch at work.

The recent explosion of Zumba has only strengthened my belief that Zumba is evil. Seriously, on http://www.letsdozumba.com some of the descriptions sound very much like a Scientologist trying to sell crystal meth:

'Zumba is not only great for the body, but it is also great - for the mind. It is a "feel-happy" workout. Zumba helps improve self-esteem, self-confidence and self-image...'

Scary cult anybody?

Not only do they do fitness, it has expanded to social events always described as 'hip-shaking latin fun'. Am I the only one predicting Zumba rehab facilities in the next 5 years? I think the scariest part is the Zumba priests - the ones spreading the overly enthusiastic Zumba message across our country. Just have a look at the video below and tell me that Zumba is not evil (scary preacher and sheep heard vibes anyone?)

Then again, I may be wrong, but people I know who have never set foot in a gym before are suddenly going crazy about Zumba, and they always have a vacant stare when talking about it. And just like a scary cult, they always want to drag you down with them. I for one am saying no to Zumba!

Confessions of a Freak Magnet

2011-02-26T13:19:00.004Z

There has been far too many HTML codes on this blog that envelopes the disastrous dating experiences that I often seem to stumble upon. I've ranted endlessly about how crazy all these men are and that they are just too weird and crazy to be allowed to interact with the general population. A frightening thought occurred to me the other day though... if being a crazy freak is a subjectivity in relation to what is considered normal, perhaps the problem isn't the men I date, but maybe, just maybe, I attract the unhinged population of Brighton for a reason.

Now, this theory may seem like I'm jumping to conclusions, but I present to you, some very accurate ethnographical research from last weekend which supports my status as a Freak Magnet...

First instance: Friday night drinks on the town after work. Obviously this lead me on to meet friends later on in a nearby club. My friend had acquired some randoms with whom we were dancing, which included the most genetically unfortunate brother and sister duo ever. The gay brother half of this duo was a six foot, strangely proportioned, acne ridden, nearsighted blob of grease, who strangely was in a two year long relationship. I was happy for him, he had found someone against all odds.

An hour later we were all on the dancefloor and the greasy freak kissed me on the neck. 'It's a crowded place, I'm sure he just fell' I thought naively. But before I knew it, it had happened again. 3 songs later he was latched on to me like a parasite with too much hairgel. I shouldn't have to take this, no way could I be this person's mistress! The whole thing was so uncomfortable I had to make a swift exit with my friend, saying 'Oh, we're just going to the toilet' when actually running to the cloak room and leaving the freak show with my dignity intact.

Second instance: Saturday night, a friend's leaving do. At about 11 pm I headed out towards the Marina on the number 7 bus to go to a reggae night in Concorde II to meet my friend from work who was moving to Spain a few days later. I wasn't that excited about the whole thing as I thought my days pretending to fit in at a reggae night was definitely over by the time I hit 21. The club night was actually a very nice surprise though, I had such a good time despite sticking out amongst all the dread locks and baggy jeans. However, this lured me into a false sense of comfort as amongst the crowd was another freak lurking.

This one was another friend of my colleague, a short, ginger man who just seemed really nice at first. As the night went on he kept dancing closer and closer to me, grinding himself up against me to the point I nearly suffocated against the metal fence thing between the DJs and the dance floor. How did this happen at a very heterosexual reggae night, I thought this would be a safe place?! I had to avoid this little freak at all costs, which turned into a very choreographed affair where I had to strategically move myself around the very crowded dance floor and hide behind various people's dread locks. After a few hours I was exhausted with the whole thing, said goodbye to my friend and left with my dignity kind of intact... Until I stepped in some mud with my new boots just outside the club.

You're probably thinking that I'm just wining about nothing, I should take it as a compliment that these two men fancied me. But come on, you did not see these people in real life. And it's not like I'm leading them on, there was a point in the Concorde II where I literally pushed the little ginger man away!

I did find this below video which illustrates a way to avoid people you don't want to talk to... This weekend I'm definitely testing this method:

Familiar Places in a Music Video

2011-02-16T17:25:00.000Z

OK, so this isn't usually the type of blog where there's loads of random videos uploaded, but just one more... I just love all the very familiar Brighton locations, seriously, who in this town has not waved through the fish tank window in the Audio toilets?

Whip my hair

2011-02-10T22:07:00.000Z

So, this video is very annoying but after a few glasses of wine it's actually quite funny. And to be honest, I was also questioning the lyrics of 9 year old Willow Smith... Enjoy

In sickness and in health

2011-01-14T17:40:00.001Z

So the first 2 days of this week were spent locked in the contamination area that has become my flat. I had the worst flu I've had in a long time. You know the kind when your face, hair, head and body hurts and reality is just a bit too fuzzy to grasp. Luckily I'm OK now (thanks to my local chemist and 2 seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer), but the fuzzy sense of reality is still present, along with the oh so attractive sniffles and coughs.

I think this may be the most exciting thing that's happened to me this year. After the early January optimism of 2011 simmered into mundane existence I can't say I've been up to much. No resolutions have been made, but I have decided that by next year I will have done a drastic change to the better. Either I will have moved, gotten an amazing job that I love doing or at least found something better to excite my days than going through my 39 disc Buffy box set... again.

Enough complaining, I just realised that the first 2 paragraphs are far too depressing to look at and I'm a few bitter sentences away from turning into a bad spinster-type cliche. Here's a summary of some funny/exciting/tragic things that's happened in the new year so far:

I started talking to this guy online out of boredom who is really attractive, gave him my number in the hope of getting a nice date out of it. Needless to say I found him very attractive, which obviously justifies giving out my number to someone random off the internet. Since then he has been texting me, alot. It started out with nice lovely messages, but has now progressed to very explicit dirty texting from his side and prudish me replying 'Umm...yeah, that' nice'. I won't share the explicitness in the blog as it's actually quite gross, but you can imagine. I've clearly made the mature decision to ignore any further messages.

Finally taking some holiday and going to Sweden next week. Will be nice to live off free food and heating at parent's house.

My heterosexual female friend is dating a heterosexual male bottom who refuses to 'go on top'. Enough said.

I passed my probation at work which means I finally have a steady job. Obviously brings up questions like 'what am I doing with my life!!?'

Right, that made me feel much better. Now I'm going to change, take a million paracetamols and head to the Black Dove for a nice Friday cocktail... Obviously followed by more Buffy and sleep.

My new fabulous neighbours

2010-12-25T15:49:00.003Z

Since moving into my flat in July this year there has been a lot of maintenance and renovation work being done on the flats next door. A few weeks ago all this stopped and new tenants seem to have been moved into what I can imagine have become rather nice looking apartments.

Ever since, a group of lesbians are usually seen outside the main front door smoking whenever I stumble out in the morning or come back with my coffee and shopping in the early evenings. These new neighbours have indeed brightened up this street, they always have really nice clothes and at all times look like they are ready for a fabulous night out out.

Clearly they have a lot of fabulous friends as there can sometimes be five of them sucking on Marlboro lights out in the cold, all with trendy haircuts and well tailored clothes. I can often hear gatherings through the walls where they are blaring Peaches through what sounds like a very high-end sound system.

My new mission in life has now become to befriend these fabulous lesbians. I can only imagine their lives being like The L Word. Where did they come from? And where do they go out? I may have to start braving the cold and also go downstairs and outside for every cigarette.

Oh, and happy christmas and all that!

How to meet European men!

2010-12-12T12:49:00.004Z

Well, clearly I've been doing it wrong! Katherine, a self-help writer from America, has posted several very very funny videos on how to attract European men... Apparently she wrote a book about it, which I obviously need to read.

The main video:

How to meet European men at a dance club:

Make sure to also check out How to meet European men at Oktoberfest, the running of the bulls in Pamplona and the Edinburgh festival.

The (not so) Dolce Vita

2010-12-11T17:53:00.000Z

What I failed to mention about the certain Mr Italian in the previous post is that my current obsession with him led me to text him on Sunday. It has been six days. Six whole days is far too much for the 'I'm going to be casual' approach. Damn, I was really hoping to see this one again. Situations like this makes me think that I'd probably be better off being more of a slut and less of a romantic. If only I had slept with him last weekend! Then at least I would have had an outlet for my obsession. Because let's face it, really drunken one night stands are never really that good, thus a semi-satisfying tumble with the Italian would have cured this infatuation.

I have however found some ways to take my mind off the whole thing. Distraction number 1: Last night we had our Christmas work do in the Crescent pub in Seven Dials. It was a very nice evening and I got absolutely hammered (which for some reason always seem to be the case with work related social situations). This will be followed by my friends' new club night Glory Hole in Everybody Inn (formerly known as Toms Bar) tonight.

Distraction number 2: Today I went shopping properly for the first time in a very very long time. I ended up not thinking about money and went off the rails, literally. When it comes to retail I can be very slutty and romance is pretty much out of the question. I'm sure I'll get some Christmas money to balance out everything, well, here's hoping.

Distraction number 3: Cleaning. No seriously, that's what I've been doing. All my washing has been done, the bathroom has been scrubbed, all my sheets are washed and a very shameful amount of empty wine bottles have been recycled. I sensed many judging gazes as I carried two shopping-bags full of empty bottles to the Montpelier Crescent recycling station.

I think I'll give it until the end of the weekend, then I have to stop thinking about him. Another thing I failed to mention in the previous post (as the portrayal of him would have suffered greatly by divulging this specific information) is that I know the Italian works in Burger King, meaning that I think about him every time I walk through North Street, which is practically ever single day! This obsession better end soon, otherwise I'm going to find myself spending all my non-existing dollars on Whoppers.

Guess who's back... with butterflies

2010-12-06T22:20:00.000Z

I have to say there has been a time where blogging became obsolete - I found myself too uninspired and fatigued for my own good. This Saturday something rather exciting happened. Ever since the dating disaster last year I have been practically celibate. Well, I haven't been fully catholic but lets just say the romantic encounters of 2010 have left much to be desired and have had me considering a sexual lobotomy just to cleanse myself from those experiences. Since the doctor there was the homeless guy I had a random night with a few months ago (well not actually homeless anymore, just a bit of a skank). Lets just say I was not impressed by his unwashed hair on my brand new Debenhams sheets. After him there was an even more random encounter with an older man, who despite his fabulous 3 story terraced house in Queens park left me wishing I hadn't even gone there.

But this Saturday something very exciting happened, I met a very lovely boy on a night out. I had almost given up on the idea that it was possible to still meet people in bars. But there he was, nothing special but really quite cute. He was young and pretty, and also Italian! The whole encounter didn't last more than 30 minutes, but it turned me into a blushing teenager again. Nothing happened apart from some very nice kissing, by which I mean the kind of kissing that only happens when you're fifteen and you are have trouble standing up because your knees are shaking and everything goes hazy. We exchanged numbers in a very busy and loud bar, and due to the Italian's poor English skills I'm not sure much accuracy took place in the exchanging of digits (but hey, who needs conversation when you have shaky knees). Perhaps I won't hear from him, but at least this very fabulous experience has resurrected my romantic sense in a way that I thought I had become too old and cynical for. Hence starting my campaign that good kissers are very much underrated.

Again, facebook literally makes me laugh out loud with the adverts it displays for me

2010-08-04T20:59:00.002+01:00

Waiting for Virgin Media

2010-07-10T15:55:00.003+01:00

I have moved! But am seriously lacking furniture in my flat, at the moment I am living out of boxes and suitcases, and more importantly I am lacking the internet. But all went well still, and my new job is good as well so far. Had a very messy night last night - I think there's something about the sunshine that makes me crave a bottles of Cava on the beach, which is why I am now sipping on a latte in my new local pub trying to not vomit from smell of alcohol coming from the bar. I am actually quite happily living amongst boxes as my parents are coming to visit in a few weeks so I will make them come furniture shopping with me, I need to get something good out of it!

The Third Date Rule

2010-06-27T18:34:00.002+01:00

Eventually I found myself on a third date with Mr Week 2 from 2009, and seeing as it was technically the third date (in 2010 that is) and so far I hadn't made any romantic commitments, the pressure was definitely on. He knew it as well as I did as the date started off with expensive wine, nice food and classical music on a sunny terrace in Kemptown. This was not a casual dinner date, this was a proper seduction. I wasn't quite sure how to handle the situation as this very well planned courting seemed like too much of a fake charade to take it seriously, but it was only in my head I was making sarcastic comment.

However cynical I was o the set up though, it did actually work. After half a bottle of Bordeaux I was completely infatuated by him and one thing led to another. The following morning I kicked myself for falling for such a set up, but hey at least it was an exciting Thursday night.

Apart from that I have realised that moving is too much of a pain so hopefully it will be a while until next time. I did however have a nice midsummer's eve on Friday with my Swedish work friends in St Anne's Wells involving champagne, salmon and straberries... lush!

A blast from the past

2010-06-17T16:00:00.002+01:00

I can't imagine that anyone hasn't noticed the lack of blogging on this page lately, but not to worry I am still going strong with obsessive thoughts! I have some exciting news, I have just received the contract for a new position I've been offered at Amex, which is a much nicer permanent job. Very excited and very sad about leaving my current role. Also, the day after I start my new job, I will move into my very own cute little flat in Seven Dials. Needless to say, I have been busy, which explains (but obviously doesn't excuse) the lack of blogging.

With a new job and a new home, I thought maybe a new man would be perfect as well. But it turns out, there are literally none left! I am not even joking. In the past few weeks I have been on dates with this politics student I dated and slept with over a year ago. I referred to him as 'Mr Week 2' (god I was annoying at 21!) in this post Kiss and Tell. So far I've been on 2 dates with him and been very grown up and not slept with him. However, he's been quite eager every time to say the least, but I always have excuses. Early mornings, flat viewings, job interviews... all the standard stuff really. Tonight however he's cooking me dinner and I'm not sure I'll be able to escape so easily as I'm being lured into his abode. The thing is, because I've dated and rejected him once before it's really hard to think of him in a different way, but at the same time it lowers my expectations so much that I really enjoy every time I see him. Also, if I don't sleep with him tonight I think I will officially be classified as frigid...

Easter Sunshine

2010-04-03T13:05:00.002+01:00

It's been a while since I updated anything. To make a long story short, the doctor was indeed persistent, I agreed to one more date, after which he lingered a whole weekend. This led to me being more certain than ever that the doctor is indeed not what I need right now. I mean, when I drunkenly asked him to come out on the weekend, I didn't expect him to actually show up both nights! Why can't I ever find a nice balance? Either, they're too distant and unavailable, or they're just there like loyal little puppy dogs... bastards.

Anyway, I'm in Sweden for Easter weekend for a much needed rest as I'm so ill I can hardly open my eyes in the morning, but I've noticed already that endless food supplies (the luxury of parent's houses) and a nice comfy bed seem to do the trick.

Just what the doctor ordered

2010-02-28T16:09:00.005Z

I had a really fun and random Saturday night which started at some friends' house party. Me and my housemate then decided to go see Lady Sovereign in Revenge (yes, I have a secret guilty pleasure obsession with Lady Sov). The evening turned into me really living the gay stereotype, getting really mashed in Revenge on a Saturday night fighting the crowd to get a glimpse at the very petite Lady Sov.

Anyway, I ran into this guy who I've flirted with before and in my hazy and slightly euphoric state I thought it would be the best idea ever for him to come home with us. We were initially going to meet some friends at a warehouse party by London Road, but the rain and the fact that it was £10 (!) to get in kinda put us off. So we just made all of our friends come back to our house instead.

We got home at about 4 and were very disappointed by the early end of the evening, so we decided to crack open the absinthe. Eventually I got really tired and around 6 am I kicked everyone out of the house so that I could have some private time with the guy I had brought with me. He's 24 and a proper doctor at the Sussex Hospital. I had no idea that you could be a doctor at such a young age! I was quite surprised by his lack of contempt at our messy behaviour, I thought doctors were meant to be responsible!

We had a nice time, but in the morning I realised that I didn't actually know this guy. In the harsh light of day he just seemed so different when we actually had a proper conversation. Despite being very sweet and lovely, I don't think that we will be seeing each other again. I'm glad it happened though because I haven't really being seeing people since the Artist and I really need to!

I have just returned form the launderette after drying my sheets due to a much needed wash of shame, and am quite content actually. I've got his phone number should I ever need a private consultation.

Facetaunting

2010-02-18T18:26:00.005Z

I just thought I'd share what Facebook thought was useful adverts for me when I clicked on my profile today, made me laugh out loud!

Single and intoxicated

2010-02-10T23:22:00.004Z

So it's Valentine's day this weekend, a day for happy people in relationships to be even more self-affirming. I will have to make sure to do something extremely fun and amazing as the worst thing is to stay at home feeling depressed if you're single on this commercially made up holiday.

Me and my single housemate have had a tradition of buying each other cards every year on Valentine's day and going out getting absolutely smashed. This year I will have to follow the same pattern. I think we might be going to Slutdisko on Saturday, but it would be fun to do something new but it's just too cold to venture to new places in winter!

On another note, I'm really trying to figure out some life plans. I've downloaded an application form for Postgraduate programmes at Goldsmiths (you have to actually fill in a form instead of applying online, how bizarre!). I've also started looking for new jobs, but now that I'm not unemployed I'm a lot more picky. I don't want another agency temp job, and I also want better pay, and consequently my search has been unsuccessful so far.

Need to see this...

2010-02-04T00:28:00.002Z

Randomly saw a clip of this German children's film The Singing Ringing Tree on a trashy count down thing on Channel 4. It looks amazing, anyone who's seen it??

Detox

2010-02-01T20:47:00.003Z

2009 started with a near to manic obsession with dating and meeting people. I had fun times, bad times, embarrassing times, awkward times, and lots of neurotic nonsense to blog about. I think with the new decade I am much older and wiser, and have taken a more casual approach to life. Well, perhaps not older and wiser as it was only a week ago I saw a boy I met at a party once and swiftly turned away and practically ran to avoid awkward confrontation.

At least I think I'm over all teachers, artists, Dj's and PhD students, not to mention the body-lickers, 20-year olds ans serial-monogamists. Now I think I'm going to wait until I meet someone I really like, or at least someone who can keep my feet on the ground, just slightly.

I am also facing some life choices soon as the contract on my house will run out in June, my options are 1) move to London and do a Masters. But I don't seem to have gained much apart from a massive debt from my undergraduate, so I'm not sure it's worth it, or if I'm ready for it. 2) Stay in Brighton and continue working at Amex, which is not as easy and nice as it used to be, but at least it's an income whilst I figure out something to do. 3) Stay in Brighton and try getting another job (that pays a bit better and is permanent). 4) Move somewhere completely different...

What I do know is that I don't want to sign another 12 month contract on a house, it's just too much of a commitment!

Christmas Holiday - Yes

2009-12-19T17:51:00.003Z

The time has now come for my first ever Christmas holiday as a non-student, and I am so excited about having 10 days of absolute freedom. Well, absolute freedom involving going back to my parent's house and feeling like a 15 year old again. As I'm writing this I'm waiting for my connection in Amsterdam and will be in Stockholm in a few hours. It will be nice to come back for a bit, but I do think that 10 days will be all that I could ever stand before going insane. Christmas is just so tedious.

However, I am so ridiculously excited about New Years, by which point I will be back in Brighton and will be attending two of my friends' club night in the Cowley (which will be so cheap compared to everything that night).

Apart from that, I have decided that men are boring, stupid and useless, and thus I am just going to focus on my job and my friends and give dating a bit of a break, at least until the new decade.

9 to 5

2009-11-25T16:30:00.003Z

It's been nearly a month since 'my day off' and I have now recovered from that traumatising incident. Apart from that, not much has happened in my life - hence the lack of blog posts.

I think I've gotten in to a routine of waking up, going to work, coming home, eating, sleeping, and doing it all again. At least my job is quite nice, I've gotten used to corporate America, and will hopefully soon find out if I have a job to come to after New Year's.

The only time I ever do anything fun these days is the weekends, and as most people are aware of, weekend in Brighton starts on Thursday. Last Thursday I found myself in Palmeira Square at my friend from work's birthday party. It was fun, drunken, and very embarrassing having to face the office the following day - but so far, I don't think I've made too much of bad impression. But having team managers, supervisors and bottles of vodka will one day inevitably lead to me having to move somewhere far far away.

Saturday was spend at the monthly ritual that is Spellbound at Komedia with my fabulous group of friends, which was well fun as usual. Much snakebite and various other things made it carry on it's usual ways until 6 am, good times.

Oh, and I think I may be going on a date with a 20 year old student! It's strange as I've never dated anyone 2 years younger than me, as I usually tend to go for people my age or older. But I have chosen to be open minded and not judge a person just because he was born in 1989.

And, I was meant to the see the teacher again, after solemnly swearing never to speak to him again. But our agreed meet-up yesterday had actually gotten me quite excited, I had even made a 'have sex with the teacher' playlist on my iTunes. But, as usual with men I go out with, he failed to actually appear. So now, I am swearing to never see him again, again. The playlist is now an 'feeling sorry for myself and eating my housemate's birthday cake' playlist.

My Day Off

2009-10-29T21:19:00.006Z

Last Wednesday I had a day off work, which was quite strange in the middle of the week. Initially I was just going to get some stuff sorted, but a lot of random fun things happened in the end. The day started with me getting my hair done, doing some shopping, quite normal
stuff really.

In the evening all my housemates were going out to see the Rocky Horror stageshow in Brighton, and I did not have a ticket. So I was getting quite bored staying in all by myself, so went online andstarted talking to this guy I was meant to go on a date with about 6 months ago. But for some reason we kept rescheduling and the date never happened, and Icouldn't actually remember why it never did. Anyway, I was complaining about me being so incredibly bored to him and so we arranged to have our very belated first date last night.

At about 9 pm I made my way past Palmeira Square to meet him at a place in Hove. We had a drink and things were going really well, so we decided to buy some wine and go back to his house. Him being Greek/Italian did initially put up quite a language barrier, but two bottles of Pinot Noir later it didn't seem to matter.

One thing led to another, as you can imagine, and it all started out quite normal. However, half an hour in he started kissing me all over, which was kinda hot in my drunken state, but the kissing soon turned into actual licking. So there I was with this guy in Hove getting licked, literally all over my body, it was so gross! I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, but as usual I didn't do or say anything, just to avoid an awkward (or more awkward) situation.

Thankfully, it all ended around midnight, and just afterwards my phone rang and it was one of my work colleagues who was out on a binge drinking mission. As we both speak Swedish I could quite crudely discuss what had just happened without the guy knowing anything about it. She managed to convince me that I should totally come out and have some tequila shots. So I made the excuse 'yeah this was nice, I have to go, because I have to get up for work', and then stumbled out of his building, jumped on a bus and met my friends in South Laines for enough jaegermeister and tequila to forget the fact that I was still covered in a man's saliva.

The pretty young man

2009-10-12T22:23:00.006+01:00

This is a brief story about a boy who recently entered my group of friends. This poor young man is very pretty, I mean really pretty, and he appeared a few weeks ago when he temporarily moved into my friend's house. The pretty young man shared a bedroom with my friend's housemate in a student house on Lewes Road. All was well for the pretty young man, until his attractiveness started becoming more apparent to the Brighton gay population.

Last weekend, the pretty young man ended up in some compromising positions to say the least! He had to experience two in one night. The first involved a notorious sex addict who we all kinda know. The pretty young man ended up in his lair, being young and naive he nearly fell victim to Mr. Notorious Sex Addict's dirty claws. They both ended up in the same bedroom, but as the pretty young man turned away for a few minutes to answer a phone call Mr. Notorious Sex Addict had presumed something was going to happen. When the pretty young man reappeared in the room he was faced with a completely naked Mr. Notorious Sex Addict with a fully erect penis. Needless to say, poor little naive pretty man was shaken and stirred.

He managed to escape the lair, and returned home looking forward to a relaxing time in bed. However, when he came back to the room he was sharing with my friend's hippie housemate he was forced to share a bed with him. The pretty young man was thus, again, in a very compromising position. He ended up being spooned by the hippie, both wide awake for five hours before the pretty young man decided to 'pretend to wake up' and leave. The pretty young man moved out that same day and is currently residing in his own little bedsit in Kemptown where is prettiness is sealed away from notorious sex addicts and horny hippies. Poor pretty young man.

Some French Incest

2009-10-12T22:16:00.004+01:00

I should have posted this video ages ago, as it has been the one of the few crazes amongst my group of friends. Equally disturbing as it is fabulous

for some reason it doesn't work to embed, so here's the link

Dirty talk by teacher

2009-10-08T22:49:00.005+01:00

So it's been a while since I've written anything about the artist and how that progressed. Well, in a nutshell, it didn't. He moved away, and I keep seeing him randomly, but it's probably better for my own sanity if I leave it at the 'dating' stage until monogamy or relationship is officially established, which was also advised by my supervisor at work (amex is lovely sometimes). With this in mind, I am starting dating again. This randomly led me to the teacher.

He's a really boring guy, quite average looking, works as a teacher, has a flat and a car, and he fancies me loads - perfect! No mess, no fuss, just simple and easy. I predict I'll get bored of him within a week, but it's still a nice pass time. The thing about him is that he is quite crude. I'm not going into detail, but when he realises that he wants something late at night he doesn't hesitate to tell me, and it usually involves some sort of oral sex. It could be kinda sexy but kinda weird, as I don't know him that well! He does say loads of nice things as well, and I have to admit that I am a sucker for compliments - sometimes it's just nice to hear a guy say nice things (although his grammar is appalling for a teacher!).

I got tomorrow off work so am really looking forward to a weekend of fantastic and dramatic fun. Based on some gossip my friend just told me, I think tomorrow will bring a very fun and socially stressful night out in the cowley club, god help me!

A little update

2009-10-04T15:44:00.002+01:00

Oh god, oh god, oh god.

The past week has seen the arrivals of students again, and it's so strange that I'm not going back to uni! Seeing them being driven down Lewes Road by their parents in an overly packed car just makes me feel very very old. No such excitement for me anymore. But at the same time I don't have to deal with living in halls and being new in Brighton.

My life is going ok at the moment, work, sleep, play. Nothing very much exciting happens these days. I may have to continue my dating spree in order to just have something to write about, how sad is that!?

I heart summer

2009-08-18T22:44:00.004+01:00

Summer is nice sometimes. I have been living in Brighton for three years now, and the other day was the second time I've ever visited the Sussex countryside. I do like the country, but there's something about entering a little village pub full of scary heterosexual white people who gasps and stares as soon as you step out of the car. Still, we found a lovely field of sunflowers that went on for miles. Well, the sunflowers were all dying, but it was still a lovely little sanctuary of yellow death.

Also, this summer, was the first ever Pride I have ever been to! I had a really nice time, despite the weather, and it did exceed my expectations with all the randomness that was involved. I will not torture you about my proud antics as it was quite epic and could probably be turned into a novel, let's just say it involved things that should never have happened, things that should definitely happen again and things that are just a bit too blurry to actually remember.

It has been nice, although not so nice financially to just work casually. In a way I can't wait to start full time next month, if only to have some disposable income. I miss being a student, I had so much more money then! I've clearly started thinking about prolonging my entering into real world by doing a masters next year...perhaps.

Skinny's Back

2009-08-18T16:18:00.002+01:00

Yes, I have the internet in my house now, so this this blog will resume to normal shortly!

So I Got a Degree

2009-06-26T17:39:00.001+01:00

Today was the dreaded day when the final results were put up on a pin board outside Arts A on Sussex campus. There was free booze thank god, and I was so nervous I thought I was going to be sick! The result in the end was a lot better than I had ever expected, I actually managed to literally scrape a 1st, I was 0.1% over the limit!

On another note, I'm sad that Farrah Fawcett died yesterday, I think it's time for an old school Charlies Angels marathon.

Alright Sweetheart?

2009-06-25T18:23:00.004+01:00

Today I went in to town to get myself a temporary job somewhere. I decided to turn to the gay community for help, and went and asked for jobs in two bars in Kemptown. I'm sure I'll be able to get a good job in August so for now I need something quick and casual, cash in hand all the way!

I'm not going to name the places, but the first one was a big bar that I've went past many times but never actually gone in to. As I walked in the smell of cheap lager was overwhelmed by the shit music. Rihanna and Fosters, yum. I was greeted by a middle aged man at the bar 'Alright sweetheart!? What can I do for you?'. It was one of those moment when a tiny bit of vomit erupts in your mouth. But I swallowed my reaction, put on a great big smile and started winking my eyes. I think it went well, but he didn't actually say if they had any jobs at the moment. He asked me if I wanted full or part time work, to which I happily replied 'anytime works for me'. He then said that even though there may not be a job vacancy, he would get the manager to call me and get me to come in anyway... whatever that means.

The performance I put on was exhausting, and it was very hot today, so I decided to just go home after that. However, I went past one of those little gay bars on a side street off St. James' and saw an old friend of mine sitting in one of them. She waved frantically and I went in. She told me that she had finished working there last week. Score! She introduced me to the manager, a middle aged gay man, for whom I again started playing my Lolita persona. I think I would actually prefer working in the first bar but I suppose it would be alright. I then got a bit more confident and decided to try a few more places. As I walked past R-Bar an overweight gay man whistled and said; 'Alright sweetheart!?'. I immediately turned around and walked home.

The Truth About Jimmy?

2009-06-18T15:56:00.003+01:00

I just noticed that I got tagged by Kerrie - so here goes (Oh, please excuse my blogging diarrhea, but I am very bored and unemployed) :

1). What is your current obsession.
Do I have to choose? In which case I think it's definitely the Martinis - any shape or form I'm there.

2). What is your weirdest obsession.
Thinking of all the different ways I can poison annoying people on the bus.

3).What are you wearing today?
Honestly? I'm wearing Adidas tracksuit bottoms and a black vest so far, plan to get dressed eventually - classy.

4).Whats for dinner?
I don't cook, so probably pasta if no one cooks for me tonight

5).What would you eat for your last meal?
Sushi AND Mexican

6).What was the last thing you bought?
A bottle of red wine I think...

7).What are you listening to right now?
Spotify - Ahhhhh, what did I ever do before you

8).What is your favourite ice cream flavour?
Banana, yes.

9).What do you think of the person who tagged you?
Fantastic, although I don't know her in person

10).If you could have a house totally paid for where would it be?
Barcelona or Madrid, London and Berlin. I do have some goals in life.

11).If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour where would it be.
Paris - only for an hour

12).Which language do you want to learn?
German or Italian

13).What"s your favourite quote?
Too many, can't choose!!! I can very rarely remember good quotes.

14).What is your favourite colour?
Red and Yellow and Black and Purple. This is very much reflected by my usual attire.

15).What is your favourite item of clothing in your wardrobe?
I think it would have to be my collection of bags, although I very rarely use more than one.

16).What is your dream job.
Anything freelance; something I could do from anywhere in the world and not have to be in an office in the same place all day long.

17).What is your worst habit?
Smoking?

18).Do you admire anyones style?
Yes, but I tend to admire fragments of style - can't think of anyone specific now...

19).Describe your personal style?
Casual, but very bright. I'd like to have more money for variations.

20).What are your favourite movies?
I'm a former Media and Cultural Studies student; there is no simple answer to a question like that; I like Swedish films from the 90s, French films from the 60s and Spanish films from the 80s. Oh, and Romy and Michele's High School Reunion may just be the best thing ever.

21).What is your favourite fruit.
Avocado. Or is it a vegetable?

22).What inspires you?
Pretty clothes and pretty people. But I'm not shallow.

23).Your favourite book.
I'm going to have to be completely unoriginal and say The Catcher in the Rye, but also, all the cheesy glamorous American thrillers from the 80s; it's all about Sidney Sheldon.

24).Do you collect anything.
Junk

25).What is your favourite smell,
At the moment, it's definitely the 'Ultrared' perfume.

Sex, Money and Benefit Forms

2009-06-18T14:03:00.004+01:00

The other day I admitted defeat in this economic climate and went to the Priory House with my housing benefit forms filled out, ready for the free money. I was pleasantly surprised by the experience, everyone in there was really nice! I thought it would be full of the same evil staff and customers you get in the job centre, but no. The guy who served me was very impressed as I was the first one in days who managed to fill in the entire form (how hard can it be to tick boxes?). Unfortunately it will take about a month for my claim to even be processed... I'm poor now! If only I could play an instrument - I think I'd enjoy life as a street musician, at least for a day or two.

My standards of work are dropping immensely as I am now considering retail and bar work, which is very annoying because I have done jobs like that before I had a degree, what is the point of university again?

Being in a poor miserable financial state, I wish the next few paragraphs could at least be about how amazing everything is going with the artist. But no. Last week I got a bit pissed off with him as we were meant to be meeting up, and then he felt like shit etc., and didn't want to. By the weekend he was attentive again - bribing me with a homecooked meal. So we had out third date last Friday which was nice. But after that, again, he has become a bit of a recluse and he cancelled on me this Tuesday again. I just don't understand; is he really in to me, or does he just want someone to have fun with on the side?

Everything is just moving so slowly with the artist I just don't know where we stand, and to be honest, I'm getting a bit bored of waiting around for him to have time to be with me. At the same time though, I don't really know if I can date someone else... How do you know when monogamy has been etablished? I'm thinking that maybe I shouldn't put too much emphasis on this artist guy and keep my options open, but I'm quite sure (but not entirely) that he's not dating other people.

Remember Mr. Perfect? The one who kinda stood me up; tall, pierced, great clothes and hair etc.? He acquired a boyfriend a couple of months ago, but according to dear old facebook his relationship status has disappeared, which means that things are not great between him and the stupid looking twink in stripey T-shirts (I swear I'm not bitter). Also, remember the guy I dated in January, who suddenly ended up in a two week relationship? He's now got a new boyfriend. See how things move so quickly for everyone else in this town! I just wish the artist would either just dismiss me completely or fully go for it; the same tactic I want all these employment agencies in Brighton to adopt.

Janice Dickinson - Hilarious Interview

2009-06-18T02:07:00.003+01:00

This may just be my weird sense of humour, but I remembered seeing this on TV ages ago and found it on a random YouTube session - it may just be the funniest thing ever...

The Swede With a Pearl Necklace

2009-06-10T16:15:00.008+01:00

On Monday I had my second date with the artist. It was quite fun; we had drinks, played pool, and watched a film. In a relationship I'm usually the one who has to come up with all the fun random things to do, so it's nice to be with someone who takes such initiatives. This time I did sleep with him, which means that the next week will be crucial as you're entering the post-sex limbo phase. However, I have noticed that he is quite a fickle one, who seem to be into me, but it is really hard to just pin things down and know what exactly is going on. I very rarely get to see him, which is probably why I'm having these concerns. My friend told me yesterday to stop overthinking everything and just go with the flow. It's so unlike me, I always go with the flow, I invented the bloody flow!

But my concerns are precisely based on the 'mush' situation. The whole thing with the artist started with him fancying me, and now that I've acquired a slight crush I feel that the power balance has shifted. Oh well, I've decided to stop obsessing about it and just casually see what happens in the next couple of weeks.

I still don't have a job, and today I collected forms for housing benefits - I think that was the lowest point in my life so far. I haven't written anything down on them yet, vaguely hoping that a job will appear by the end of this week. However, I did go out last night for a few cocktails leading to me getting very tipsy. As I was walking past the Level on my way home I ran into some random acquaintances. They were on their way to Digital and managed to sway me to come by offering beer and cider on the way.

When we got to the seafront venue it was jam packed. Seriously, the people in the smoking area looked like battery chickens, and the queues were enormous! However, one of the random girls managed to jump over the fence to the smoking area and get in. When the second girl I was with tried it, she failed and got sent out. I was just about to call it a night and go home, I'm far too old to jump over fences to get into clubs, and it's not like I needed to be in place full of West Street-type people and shit music. However, just as I was about to leave someone caused a slight scene which made all the bouncers go to one place. The girl I was with who previously failed sneaking in before decided to try again, and so did I. So there I was... 22 years old, pissed off my face, no job, no money, jumping into shit clubs on the Brighton seafront.

I had a good time though, but Digital was so full you couldn't even move. I decided to leave an hour later, but going from the smoking area through the club to get to the exit would have taken hours as you had to fend through fake-tanned girls with five inch heals and hair gelled boys with cheap shoes. So I left the same way I came in - jumped over a fence, strutted passed all the people still queuing and wondered home, the second time that night.

21st Century Relationships: Did Donna Haraway's Techno-Feminist Utopia Involve Free Texts on O2?

2009-06-04T00:42:00.008+01:00

So it's been a few days since I had my date with the artist, and so far it's all good. However, I haven't actually seen him since then, but he has been texting me every day. This is where I get neurotically obsessed whilst the other person is always more casual about the entire thing. I start thinking; 'ohh, maybe he doesn't like me at all' or 'if he likes me, why hasn't he asked me out again?!'

Sending messages is better than nothing; as my American dating experiment has shown, even messages don't always happen, so I should be positive about the situation. But I don't really like the whole texting malarkey - I would prefer a bit more of the old school dating; leaving voicemails at times when your know the other person won't be able to answer the phone, and hopefully meet a bit more often. Making communication so mobile and accessible seem to almost make actual dating obsolete. Or, perhaps not obsolete, but not as necessary as it is no longer the primary mode of communication between two parties.

I should really stop complaining and over-analyse everything - but I can't help it, I don't have a job yet so what else do I have to do?

The Fabulous Life - Grace Jones Circa 1986

2009-06-03T07:48:00.002+01:00

Best interview ever! I hate not having any money, why is this not my life..

A Decent Proposal

2009-05-30T14:23:00.004+01:00

Finally, it is starting to feel like summer in Brighton! I no longer have to constantly wear long sleeves before leaving the house, at least during the day...

The past couple of days have been like an emotional rollercoaster, despite not having done much. The two jobs I was hoping for turned out to not even exist. Don't get people's hopes up and do 'tests' etc if you're not even hiring! I am now cutting deeper and deeper into my overdraft which is really not good. I am considering getting a job in a bar or something just to gain a bit of extra cash for now, but I am feeling very resentful having to resort to a job that I could have had anyway without spending £9000 on a university degree. This entire situation of being broke and single just makes me think back of the first ever post I wrote on this blog. Life is indeed ironically cyclical.

So my social life has been put on hold whilst my finances are slim, but I did go out on Thursday night and it was quite a strange evening. Well, the night was quite normal; saw loads of random people, had a few drinks and a boogie and stumbled home at 4 am. When I got home, however, I had received a message on Facebook from this guy who I don't actually know but who I have had as a Facebook-friend for a couple of months. He is a bit of an artist, and quite successful, and he is one of those Brighton gay socialites who knows literally everyone and everyone knows him. So clearly he is 'above' me in the social order of things. Anyway, I had seen him in the club earlier that night and he sent me a message saying that he fancies me... at 4.30 am on a Thursday night. I didn't quite know what to do with this information as I hadn't actually spoken to him at all - why did he suddenly fancy me?

To me, the logic works as such; you either fancy someone at first glance, or, you are indifferent to someone and fancy them after you've had a proper conversation with that person. This situation applied to neither of these instances. He has known who I am for ages, and although he saw me at the bar briefly (but didn't actually come over and talk to me), he hasn't had an opportunity to be swayed by my personality. I am now in one of those life situations where flattery will get you anywhere, so I am actually going on a date with this artist guy tomorrow. I have heard a lot of negative rumours and gossip about this person, but I am choosing to stay open minded - seeing as I can't actually remember the last time a guy explicitly said he likes me in such a way, and it's not like I have men lined up down the street... but I am indeed intrigued by this certain Brightonian artist. Hopefully there may actually be some romance involved.

A 'Lolita' Experience in Brighton

2009-05-27T00:03:00.006+01:00

I just got back from a casual date with the thirty something guy. It was very strange, initially I was a bit disappointed as he didn't appear as I had expected. However, after a couple of cocktails we got along really well. The strange thing was that I had more in common with this guy that I do most my own age. We were telling stories about travelling whilst sipping out drinks in GinGins. Why can't I have such a connection with people my age?

In the end though, even thought I really enjoyed spending time with him, I don't think anything more could ever happen. He is the kind of person that I would probably reject instantly if I saw him in a bar, as he looks like a very stereotypical gay man in Brighton. At least now I know not to completely judge a book by its cover. I have never been a very superficial person, as I hope other people don't judge me on my appearance (which due to laziness can be quite bad some days!) but in a way it is hard not to judge people on the way their look. I do hope to see him again some day - we did have quite a few fancy cocktails and he did pay for the entire bill. But does this mean that I have to reach thirty before I find someone I can actually connect with?

----

I just finished writing this entry and he sent me a message; he thought I was really cool and quirky bless him. I have been drinking cava all afternoon, if only he knew my personality is based on alcohol... In a way I got my older man that I've only read about in tacky American romance novels, but he wasn't what I expected, but that doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing, does it?

The Realities of Gay Sex

2009-05-25T00:16:00.006+01:00

Today I had an interesting day. Because it was so hot I decided to go to the beach and read a book and just enjoy the sunshine and freedom. Whilst sat on the left side of the pier with my trashy American romance thriller from the 80s (I love not having to read about post-structuralism and instead indulge in guilty pleasure literature) my friend sent me a text saying he was also on the beach by the nudist area. I thought the nudist beach in Brighton was just a myth, but he assured me it was indeed real. I was very intrigued, I had never been to a nudist beach before in my life, which is weird seeing as I grew up in Europe.

So I went there to see my friend and was amazed by how relaxed some people are about their bodies. They just sat down, naked on the pebbles, reading a magazine casually. Some of them had even gone clothes shopping before. Seeing men with carrier bags from designer shops go to a beach to strip down to their birthday suit seemed a bit too ironic. I felt very uptight in my skinny jeans and t-shirt and couldn't help glancing over and giggling like a little school girl.

After a while, the sight of naked old men lost its novelty and we decided to leave. As we were walking up towards the main road my friend told me that the bushy paths through which you get to the far end of Kemptown is a gay cruising area! Again, I only thought such places were myths made up by George Michael and the Daily Mail, but the condom wrappers and the single old men sitting on each bench begged to differ. Luckily it was in the middle of the afternoon so it wasn't too scary to walk through. I always thought England was way too cold for public sex and nudity!

When we got back to my friend's place he found an interesting film that his landlord had left in a random stack of DVDs. It was a horrible amateuresque porn film made in Brighton and featured really ugly men in some extreme S&M scenes. We actually had to watch it in fast forward in order to stomach it, it was that bad. I don't think I'll ever be able to look my friend's landlord in the eyes again without seeing the image of a ten inch dildo being used in a public restroom.

After a day of realising that all the myths about gay sex are indeed true I felt it necessary to go to Wild Fruit. I haven't been for 2 years and figured it might be worth going before my NUS card expires and you have to pay a small fortune to get in. In the end, no one wanted to go with me, which is understandable and probably for the best, but at least I've had a very educational day.

Idle

2009-05-23T16:26:00.003+01:00

Bored, bored, bored.

What am I meant to do in this limbo phase between uni and work? I have two possible 'offers' for next week, so am not that stressed about it anymore, although it was a sad moment when I had to sell my Nintendo DS for cash the other day. I'm doing a language 'test' on Tuesday, to possibly get another games testing job like last summer, but for a different company. But such jobs tend to be very unreliable (last time I did the test and didn't get offered a job until 5 weeks later!)

Today I've spent all day shopping without money, that is, walking around until I find an unbelievable bargain which clearly never happens. At least there is a Saturday night approaching which could be exciting. But most people I know have either finished uni and buggered off or still have exams and can't be bothered to go out, or they are non-students with no money and thus shouldn't be going out (which should be me as well). I just wish I had a job so that spending money during days off wouldn't be accompanied by guilt.

The dating pool is drying up as well. Now that I have all the time in the world there seem to be no men left in this town. Lowering my standards has not proven to work either, typical. People seem to be too unattainable or they are attainable but complete idiots (I'm trying to not get too cynical despite evidence to the contrary)

Maybe I should start sorting my room out, I'm still surrounded by heaps of folders and papers as a result of intense dissertation writing. I'm sorry if I'm boring you dear readers - being idle is not as fun as I thought.

The Orgasmic Sound of a Printer

2009-05-18T00:27:00.006+01:00

I've just finished my last dissertation, yes I had two! I handed my other one in on Friday and have now printed off the 64 pages of my last one to hand in tomorrow on the deadline day. I keep checking the document over and over again, to make sure all the pages are there, when I in fact know that it would have required a natural disaster in order for a page to disappear mysteriously. There is a sense of accomplishment that hasn't really hit me yet. But in theory, I have finished my degree, with a good 2:1 average (hopefully the dissertations won't be completely shit and drag the average down).

It's strange to think that it was a whole three years ago I arrived in Brighton as a confused teenager from the wilderness of Sweden. And it's even more strange to think about all that has happened since then, and how everything is going to change now. I am very excited about being released from the shackles of a three year commitment to an educational institution, and can finally begin to live my life accordingly.

I've poured myself a massive glass of wine, just so I'll be able to go to sleep. But after handing the bugger in tomorrow I am going to be a 'real person'. I've been casually applying for jobs over last few weeks but still heard nothing! I didn't really think it would be this hard to find a 9 to 5 job. Things have a way of working themselves out though, so I'm not too stressed about it, yet.

Older and Wiser?

2009-05-14T22:19:00.005+01:00

It's been a while since I posted anything, so I shall write down some bullet points about what my life has been like:

- I had a birthday last Friday the 8th! I turned 22 and it was really good fun. Had fancy cocktails in Om till I couldn't stand up straight, and carried on the drunken mayhem till I reached a slightly psychotic state.

- I have not heard back from the DJ at all! He did not even say happy birthday to me, which in these times when mobiles and facebook are so accessible, is not good manners.

- I experienced a stalker in the campus library the other day. Literally! I was working on a computer trying to write my dissertation and this guy came and sat down next to me. Did not think much about it. Then I went out for a cigarette only to come back to a little note left by my computer. It said something like 'Hi, I think you're gorgeous.... Blah blah blah .... I'm having a birthday part of the 24th....this is my e-mail, add me on facebook' etc. Now, it's one thing to leave a note and then disappear, but no, this guy was still sitting next to me. It was so weird! Had it been someone attractive or likable this would have been a cute gesture, needless to say this was not the case. After 10 minutes I wrapped up my stuff and left.

- So a detail about the note from the stalker; I didn't know it was the guy sitting next to me who had written the note. I thought that maybe it was the cute guy sitting in the row in front of me. Stupidly, I typed in the e-mail he had written down into facebook, only to realise too soon that it indeed was the creepy guy next to me. Now since he was sitting less than a foot away from me he could clearly see my screen. I didn't want to be rude and look him up on facebook only to dismiss him, so the social pressures of the situation made me add him! So I'm now facebook friends with my creepy stalker from the library.

- Luckily I'm handing my dissertation in on Monday and will be able to remove creepy stalker from my friends and never have to deal with it again.

- A friend of mine ran into a old work colleague, who is straight apparently, and had public sex in a private garden in Kemp Town. I felt like I should share that with the world in case anyone knows the person living in the big villa type house just at the bend before you get to the village high street. The one at the end of those pretty colourful houses

- What's the general consensus on dating older people? How old is too old? I'm considering going on a date with a guy in his mid thirties, but he doesn't look like he is. In a way age is just a socially constructed concept and should have nothing to do with the way we conceptualise other people. But on the other hand he was 14 when I was born which means that he's probably been dating and having sex for the entire 22 years I've been alive.

The Real Deal

2009-05-06T23:21:00.006+01:00

Right, referring back to my last post; you know how that DJ guy asked me out again the next day. Well, to clarify he asked me if I wanted to go out for another drink, to which I replied willingly. However, it's now been four days and I've heard nothing from him. Not even a casual response.

Tonight I went to Valentino for a few cocktails with a friend of mine, who advised me to just forget about the DJ, seeing as I have not heard from him since the weekend. This is not how it was meant to happen. I was not going to sleep with him, after which he would be more interested and thus the dating would continue. On Saturday morning when I woke up in his bed he was still fast asleep. I woke him up and told him that I had to leave as a friend of mine was coming down from Newcastle. Later that day I messaged him on facebook (don't even have his number!) and that's when he asked me to go out for another drink. Still, haven't heard anything from him! Maybe I should have just slept with him, at least then I wouldn't be so obsessive about the situation.

I think this may just be me being anxious about this guy in a completely unreasonable manner, but seriously, what is it that you need to do?! You go on a date, sleep with that person, and don't ever hear anything from them. Go on a date, not sleep with them, with exactly the same results. My friend is probably right, and I should just get over it. It's just that, objectively speaking, I'm not a bad catch. I'm reasonably attractive, got a great sense of humour, travelled all over the world, speak three languages fluently, got interesting things to say and am really down to earth. What more does it take?

On Friday I turn 22 which means that I'm officially an adult. I was hoping these matters would become more clear as you get older, but as it stands now I'm just more confused than ever.

Last Night a DJ Got Me Drunk

2009-05-03T22:15:00.005+01:00

On Friday night I got back into dating. Here's a summary of the situation: there is this guy who works as a DJ, and I know that he fancies me and I have known that for a while. However, every time I see him out he does not make much effort to talk to me, which is clearly very confusing. So I've been bewildered by this guy for a couple of months now and decided to do something about it.

I went to club night on Friday with a few friends, and as they were hideously drunk when we got there I had to catch up, which I did, horrendously. Anyway, the DJ was there, working, but with random breaks in between sets, during which he actually spoke to me. Several times! He asked me if I wanted to come for a drink after they closed, which I couldn't refuse. This enigmatic guy had intrigued me far too long. Why is it that if someone fancies you and does nothing about it you just become more interested? Perhaps it's a trick everyone knows.

My friends were getting increasingly drunk so they left just before closing, and there I was with the DJ in an empty club. I have never had a date at 3 am but it was quite a fun novelty. I felt like a teenager who had climbed out the bedroom window in the middle of the night once the parents had gone to sleep. We went to a bar and stayed for a couple of hours, and I have to say, it was hard to keep up with a DJ's drinking and smoking habits! If my body is my temple, I was definitely being kicked out of the holy space as I continued to down Sambuca shots to keep up with him.

A couple of hours later it started to get light and we stumbled out of the bar and into his flat. We stayed up listening to music and talking till 7 am. By then I was so drunk and tired I could have fallen asleep standing if I had to. I'm clearly not as young as I once was! Eventually we went to sleep after a bit of kissing, and I have to tell you dear readers, that I am actually sticking to my romance routine, and I didn't sleep with him. It was really hard not to, as people can be very persuasive when you're semi-dressed and drunk in their bed, but I think I pulled it off as he asked me out again the next day.

I Heart These Trainers

2009-04-24T12:35:00.002+01:00

I really want these trainers I spotted the other day, they are pure romance! They are Gola by Lacroix and go at about £160 at ASOS... too much? Probably, but I can dream...

Cosmic Punishment/Guilt/Retribution

2009-04-22T23:41:00.005+01:00

It's been over two weeks since I had my random night with Mr. Crusty Hippie, and since then, even though I've messaged him, I haven't heard anything from him. Now, I really don't usually consider this a big deal when it happens, because it's most often a mutual agreement that you don't engage in any further contact after spending a random night with someone. But if the other person just doesn't reply there's a crucial difference, it's quite rude!

These days I'm walking around campus just knowing that he's going to suddenly appear out of nowhere. Sounds like a familiar scenario? For the past couple of months I've been avoiding this research student I dated a while back because I hadn't replied to his messages after a random night out. So, my campus dynamic is as such; I'm avoiding a man who's messages I never replied to, and I'm also avoiding a man who never replied to mine.

I think I finally need to make peace with the universe, this dating-curse can't go on much longer. Next time I see the Research Student, I will actually talk to him and make up a story or something which would justify me not replying to his messages (that I got mugged, and lost my phone perhaps?). The crusty hippie wasn't even a big deal to me, but I think he was the universe's way of telling me - through the divine wisdom of a hippie with dreads - that perhaps I
need to be a bit more mature and sensitive in the way I deal with my relationships.

Me, My Ex and I

2009-04-19T18:32:00.004+01:00

Last night I did something I haven't done before. I went out to Revenge with my Ex and a guy he used to date a couple of weeks ago (but not any more). So I went to my Ex's flat and met him and this guy, who turned out to be a bit familiar. I hadn't met him before, but this skinny Asian twink with straightened and styled hair seemed awfully familiar. The one he resembled was me!

Now, I know people have their 'types' that they fall for, but I had never experienced it so blatantly before. Personally I don't think I have a specific type, thinking back of all the men I've dated (shock horror thoughts) they have all been different. Anyway, the situation was a bit strange to say the least, as this younger and taller version of me had been getting it on with my Ex a couple of weeks ago. What I'm wondering is, if you have a specific type, and part of this type's characteristics it youth, what happens when you get older? If someone falls for me and I'm just a particular 'type' will he then replace me when I'm approaching thirty?

In the end I had a really good time anyway, but whilst on the dance-floor, with my Ex and his Ex-Gaysian Twink Number 2, a guy that I dated a couple of months back appeared. Why is Brighton so fucking small and incestuous!? I feel like I should draw up a chart like Alice in The L Word. In the end that guy's presence (the one that I had dated that is - this is getting confusing) didn't pose a big problem; he was very diplomatic and just came and had a quick chat and then went back to his friends (as I requested).

A thing that did disturb me though was this 40-something man who whispered something in my ear, and as I couldn't hear him over the loud and horrible music they play in that club I asked him to repeat himself. 'I said' he continued 'I am going to put my knob in your mouth!' Note how it was a statement, not a question. Appalled and a bit scared I walked backwards, slowly, and seeked protection from a random Jamaican girl I met outside whilst smoking. I don't think I've ever had anyone say something so blunt and horrible before, and I know I sound like a broken record, but, what happened to romance!?

Resourceful Swedes

2009-04-12T20:18:00.006+01:00

Last night I got horribly bored. I'm at my parent's house in Västerås, where they moved to after I moved to England, so I don't really know anyone here. It got to about 9 o'clock and I was going insane and really wanted to go out for a drink, so I messaged this one guy I went on a date with literally a year ago.

Luckily he still had the same number, and after a couple of texts I took some beers in a plastic bag and started wandering to his flat to hang out with him and some of his friends. The walk there was meant to take about 10-15 minutes. But as I really don't know this city very well it took nearly half an hours walking around before I hailed a cab that took me to his place, which turned out to be literally a two minute walk from where I got the taxi. Put me in the middle of the jungle and I'd probably end up as a loin's dinner, but I do seem to be very resourceful in urban spaces. Well as long I have a credit card.

Anyway, so I got there and ended up having drinks with him and his friend who were chilling after a week of heavy drinking and drugging. Talking to them about sex and drugs it struck me how different Swedes are from British people. It seem to be perfectly fine to date and have sex with several men at the same time, as long as you're not in a committed relationship with any of them, and you can also use these men for various practical functions, such as driving, knowing where parties are, paying entry at clubs etc. Of course people do that in England, but the general consensus is that it is a 'bad thing' and even though you're not ashamed of it, it's still going to be frowned upon by others. There doesn't seem to be a tabu, or even any sense of shame, attached to such behaviour here.

The guy who's flat I was in, called one of his 'men' who he'd dated and dismissed the other week (because he did NOT look anything like his online pictures), but he still showed up and supplied us with booze. He was terrifyingly fat and had a horrible country accent, so I felt very intimidated with this drunken fat gay Swede sitting next to me on a thee seater sofa. Luckily I left with my dignity intact, as we decided to leave as he was throwing up in the bathroom.

The End of Romance?

2009-04-10T00:16:00.006+01:00

So I was talking to my friend (the one who's dating the young Persian guy) and he seemed a bit pissed off that said young Persian had been ill and not been available for a week. I told him that I'm sure the Persian just needed some time, and that he was probably just busy.

Anyway, in his frustrated state, my friend decided to take up an offer made to him a while back, when a guy he used to work with was flirting outrageously with him. They decided to meet up late one night. The guy came to my friend's flat and said he had to be somewhere in 20 minutes, so there was no time to spare. Things happened, as you can imagine, and during such things happening, the flirtatious work-guy's phone starts ringing. Instead of ignoring it he actually answered, leaving my friend very bewildered. It turned out that the guy calling him was his boyfriend!!

Now, my friend was telling me about this, whilst at the same time complaining about not having heard back from the Persian. Surely the Persian might be put off if he found out about my friend's lack of patience. Back in the day, before internet and phones, communication could take months, and now, if someone is absent for a week, it justifies hooking up with a random guy for a quick fix. I refuse to believe this is the way things are, and am determined to find romance if it kills me!

With this in mind, remember that guy who was PERFECT and stood me up a couple of months ago? Anyway, since then I've carried on idealising him, and probably making him more perfect in my mind than he actually is. I still have him on my facebook and today, because of boredom mostly, I sent him a casual facechat message. He replied and we exchanged some courteous conversation. It suddenly hit me, I've been obsessing over him for ages, when he obviously haven't given me much thought at all, and after a casual conversation I realised just how much his perfection is just a figment of my imagination. So, I have now decided to forget all about him and move on. I'm sure there's more perfect fish in the sea.

Cynicism vs Romance

2009-04-09T22:51:00.005+01:00

Yesterday I returned to Sweden and today I spent all day hunting for a new laptop as my good old Dell is literally falling apart. In the end, I predictably opted for a Macbook because I found it quite cheap in a random German computer chain-store, and although I have always been cynical about apple computer before, I have to say that I am falling in love with it. Everything works so smoothy!

Speaking of the L word, I have to tell you all about my date on Monday night (when I was still in Brighton). He is 23, but still a first year student, quite a hippie with long dreads and baggy jeans. I met him in the Mash Tun for some cheap beer, and after months of expensive martinis in pretentious bars it was quite refreshing. At first, I felt ridiculously posh (even though I'm really not) but we got a long quite well, and I got quite drunk. We talked about travel, Brighton, Uni, and all those casual first date things.

Eventually we decided to leave and get the bus (not cab), and I ended up agreeing to come back to his place, and as he lives in halls on campus in Falmer it took quite a while. When we got back to his we carried on drinking and smoking whilst streaming a horribly bad film online. One thing lead to another, and you can imagine the rest.

When I got to his flat I was drunk and my mind was cloudy. I woke up the next day with a clear head, and realised that I had spend the night with a hippie in an East Slope single bed (the cheapest halls, but most fun). The entire situation felt so nostalgic, and it reminded me about being young, single and careless! I suppose I'm still all of those things!

What happened between me and that guy though, is something that I always seem to experience. He didn't show any obvious interest until I was at his place, and he never made any attempts to tell me my eyes were pretty or even that I seemed like a nice person. And I do feel a bit like vomiting whilst saying this but, what happened to good old-fashioned romance? I mean, a can of Stella and a dry hash spliff can be good fun, and I don't want all that horrible fake and phony stuff, but a simple compliment would suffice. Since when did it become ok to completely avoid any sense of romance?

As an eternal cynicist I cannot believe I'm writing this, I am meant to hate red wine and roses! But at the same time it's nice to get some recognition instead of just getting groped by a crusty. At the moment the only romance I'm getting is from Apple, and you know what they say, once you go Mac you never go back.

Anxious

2009-04-06T15:48:00.003+01:00

Today I woke up with a horrible feeling. After cross-checking with my diary I realised that in exactly six weeks I have to hand in two dissertations. How am I meant to write 16000 words about political activism, queer cinema and the carnivalesque in less than two months!? This actually made me feel physically sick, so I have cancelled going out tonight, and from now on I'm going to have to put my life on hold until it's all over. The 18th of May is going to be the happiest day of my life, fact!!

This horrible feeling of anxiety reminded me of the other week when I went out with two of my German friends for some late night drinking. We were in one of those places that stay open quite late and as we were getting increasingly drunk I noticed someone standing outside the bar smoking. His face looked really familiar, so I decided to go out for a cigarette and figure out who it was. When stepped outside it suddenly hit me, he was a guy I had a random fling with one night nearly three years ago! Shocked by my own inability to recognise him I stood around for a while, waiting for him to approach me and at least say something. But no, he stood there, talking to some guys whilst casually puffing away, completely ignoring me. I was crushed. I stumbled in for another gin and tonic angry at him for being a complete bastard, but also angry at myself for actually caring.

Blueberry Martinis and Killer Sheep

2009-04-05T22:11:00.005+01:00

The past couple of days have been rather eventful so I shall now attempt a brief, yet descriptive, summary.

On Thursday I got my hair done, and with my new very short hair I was feeling incredibly confident and ready to go out and have some fun. Unfortunately I was the only one who wanted to. So I ended up drinking a bottle of wine at a friend's house, frustrated that nobody wanted to go out. Whilst there my friend was telling me about a date he had the previous night with a 20 year old Persian guy (my friend is 29!!). They were in GinGin having cocktails, which has become a standard first date practice, and it turns out that not only was the guy serving the cocktails a previous one-night stand that my friend had slept with a couple of years ago, but this particular cocktail waiter had also given my friend a horrible STI. Imagine how awful that would be! Not only are you out on a first date and someone you slept with is serving you drinks, but that particular someone also gave you a horrible disease.

Anyway, after a couple of hours I was getting increasingly tipsy and nearly desperate to go out, so I started texting people to see if anyone was out in Brighton. The only useful reply I got was from that guy who was in that 'two-week relationship' who was dancing away in Revenge. I wouldn't normally go there, but I didn't feel I had any choice in the matter. I was single, fabulous, new haircut and all... and very very drunk.

So I stumbled through Kemptown down to Old Steine and met him in the club. I met him on the dancefloor armed with another drink, and after someone smashed a bottle of poppers on the floor right next to me I was very intoxicated. After a while we ended up sitting outside the club smoking and talking, and then, finally, he told me, to my face, that he had been in a relationship. I asked him how long it had lasted and he replied; 'Well... we spent every day together for ten days...' Come on! I've had a more serious relationship with the Eastern European lady serving latte's in the campus café!

Nothing more exciting happened after that, he drove me home and that was about it. Yesterday however I had a really good day, I got no work done whatsoever but it was still one of those amazing days in Brighton you can only have when spring has properly arrived. I went out in the afternoon with a friend and had some blueberry martinis at Gin Gin (Seriously recommend this amazing drink!!). As a result I ended up quite drunk but managed to stumble home where my housemate was having friends round to watch films and get pissed.

So I joined in and drank a bottle of rosé whilst watching a film from New Zeeland about killer sheep (yes, an actual horror film where the sheep is the ultimate evil, check out Black Sheep). After that I went to my friend's boyfriend's flat where the heavy drinking continued. But in the end they didn't fancy going out, but I was buzzing as always!

At about midnight I met up with a friend of mine who took me to a 'queer' night in the Cowley Club, which was absolutely amazing. I had such a good time there, drinking, talking to trannies and sitting in a garden listening to a guy playing the guitar. I ended up staying there till about four in the morning when we decided to go home after trying to explain queer theory from a female identified lesbian male perspective to a 60-year old gay guy. Good times.

Needless to say I was very hung-over today, and decided to have a chow mein and watch Come Dine With Me on Channel 4. After which, I had arranged to go and see that 'I was in a 10 day relationship' guy to watch a film. Well, I haven't had sex in a very long time so I was clearly not intending to actually go and watch a film. Anyway, 20 minutes before I was meant to leave he phoned me to say that he had to cancel. I was mortified. This is a guy who is very nice, but not good enough for me at all, and he stood me up! I can't believe the bastard had the nerve to cancel on ME! This is the second time this year a guy has canceled on me, what's up with that?

With that I'm starting the new week with my good self-esteem that I acquired on Thurday completely reversed. Even dating seem to be completely dysfunctional for me, and even casual sex doesn't seem to work, what chances do I have of ever having a healthy relationship!?

Brighton: The Land of Disposable Relationships?

2009-03-27T00:11:00.003Z

OK, so that guy I was dating a while back who I was complaining about having a serious relationship after about 2 weeks is now, according to facebook, single! Wow, that must have been a very serious relationship. He hasn't actually spoken to me in months, and now all of a sudden he's facechatting with me. I think I'm enjoying this a bit too much. But it's really odd, because he doesn't know that I know that he was in a releationship and I'm pretending not to know either, just to see what happens. This probably isn't going to make my karma any better but it's so fun!

Perhaps monogamy isn't so bad after all?

2009-03-24T17:54:00.003Z

So I've just come back from that casual coffee date I was meant to have with one of the people in the couple. As I sat there, reality kicked in and I realised that the whole three-way relationship might very well work for some, but it's not really my cup of tea. It wasn't a horrible experience, but it was quite awkward, and imagine how it would have been with the other guy there as well! So, my conclusion is; that until I start figure out a sensible way to date one guy, there is no point in trying to date two at the same time.

The Theory and Practice of Sex

2009-03-23T22:52:00.005Z

In life, love, work and study we are constantly faced with the dual distinction between thinking and doing. Something might sound good in theory, but actually doing it may be a completely different thing. Following is a list of recent events where such a dynamic has been at play:

Number 1: 'Going out for a night on the town and meet Mr. Perfect in a bar'
In theory: Alcohol works as a social lubricant, making it easy to make friends and talk to people. A bar is also generally the place where a lot of like minded people interact.
In practice: I ended up pissed off my face and sat on a sink making out with this complete random guy. He then continued to pull up my t-shirt and kiss me on the stomach. (when did people start doing that?!) I quickly stumbled away wiping his spit off my tummy.

Number 2: 'Facing the financial crisis of being a student in a recession by acquiring a sugar daddy'
In theory: Money is fluid, and if someone that has a lot of it is willing to share than there can't be anything wrong with that. As long as he never gives you actual cash it doesn't count as prostitution.
In practice: Same night as the previous example - I started talking to this guy, not too old, must have been around thirty, with a fancy job in London and a huge flat in Kemptown. I was so drunk I couldn't stand straight, and was kinda swaying back and forth as we were talking. I thought I was sounding really intelligent and amazing. But in retrospect, I think he must have thought I was on crack. So far have not heard a word from him.

Number 3: 'Moving outside conventional monogamy to try and have a relationship as a threesome'
In theory: This would be very socially progressive, by breaking the relationship norms set up by dominant society we can finally liberate ourselves from the strains of Western hegemonic culture. Instead of having to deal with the pressures of monogamy, you share responsibilities between the three of you. This hasn't happened yet, but I have gotten the offer to go on a date with two guys who recently became a couple.
In practice: Considering the luck I've had from the previous two instances I'm not really sure that I'm ready for this. I'm not going to abolish the idea completely, but think I may have to take this one step at a time. I'm having a very casual coffee date with one of the guys tomorrow, and I shall then decide if I want to go through with it. Personally I don't think that I have the self-confidence required for a threesome, but a three-way relationship may just be the way forward. Or is monogamy the best way to go?

Karma is a bitch

2009-03-17T20:09:00.005Z

It has finally happened. I've gotten my last ever student loan and grant through to my account. But by saying that, reality is becoming increasingly clear. Soon I will graduate, and will consequently have to become a real person with a real job. Along with the last ever episode of The L Word, I definitely feel that it's the end of an era.

The last couple of weeks have been so dry. I've seriously just been living in my own self-detriment. But as the sun is finally starting to show, perhaps I'll get my spirit back. The whole dating thing didn't progress as I anticipated and left me with some funky karma if nothing else. I keep running into this guy on campus who I went on one date with after which I never replied to his messages. I suppose I should have just been honest and just ended it fair and square. Last week it was nearly critical, I went through a door in the humanities building, only to see him approaching me. Luckily I was wearing a big hoodie, so I turned around and pretended to ring someone on my phone until he had walked passed (what did people ever do in such situations before mobile phones?). This is the fourth time this has happened. The Gods in the sky are clearly making me pay.

Another guy that I dated over a few weeks a couple of months back has now gotten a proper boyfriend (according to facebook). I didn't fancy him, thank god, but how can one suddenly just end up in a committed relationship with someone that you've dated for 2 weeks (ok, maybe 3 max!)?? I know it sounds really stuck-up, but I always thought I was a better catch than he was. If the ones that we can always count on for a date starts hooking up, what hope is there left? Is the universe punishing me for thinking I was too good for him? Are there any single people left in the world?!

I Heart Holga

2009-03-03T12:45:00.002Z

I keep coming across these amazing pieces of technology that also look amazing! So far the multicoloured is my favourite. Need! Check it out on the Holga Website

Intimacy – Fact or Fiction?

2009-02-21T18:19:00.000Z

The other day something absolutely terrible happened to me. I got stood up by a guy I was really looking forward to seeing. OK, so I wasn’t actually stood up in the literal sense, but he sent me a text on the day that we were meant to go on a date saying that he’d forgotten that he already had made plans. Most of my dates lately have been pursued half-heartedly, but I was really looking forward to this one! Tall, good looking, sense of humour, nice job, good sense of style, pierced and tattooed, what more could you want?

So today, as a ritual of recovery I went into town with a friend to have a cheap and secretly indulging lunch (money increasingly becoming a major problem). So after charging a Burger King meal on my Amex my friend started telling me about his relationship, in which he’s been for a couple of months now. For some random reason the topic of conversation lead to that of underwear, which lead to my friend confessing that he was actually wearing his boyfriend’s underwear at the time. After he said it I remained shocked for minutes. I had no idea people did that, and am I really stuck-up and conservative for thinking that it’s odd? My friend couldn’t really understand where I was coming from, highlighting the fact that the pants in question have indeed been washed. Although he justified it as being something functional, as something that you do when you need clean underwear after spending the night, I still couldn’t get it out my head. To me it seems like a very intimate thing, almost like a fetish. Perhaps I should stop being so conventional and just start wearing other people’s underwear. Is it one of those things that all couples do but never talk about?

Post Valentine - A New Hope

2009-02-15T18:20:00.002Z

Yesterday was the feared commercialized 'holiday' when couples celebrate their union and single people either choose to celebrate themselves or bury themselves in depression. Accordingly I went out with some of my single friends for a non-Valentines night out, involving countless Long Island Ice Teas followed by a very drunken indie night by the seafront. In terms of my dating agenda recent events has emphasized one single notion in regards to finding a significant other; namely 'power'. Whether we like it or not, or whether we choose to conform to them or not, there are inevitably social power structures at play.

For me this has taken the form of two people in the past week, the first is one of those really connected Brightonians who promotes various club nights etc around town and know literally everybody. Even though this person may not be the richest or best looking person, the fact that his social standings are higher than mine puts me in an inferior position. Obviously I have always known who he was, but I never thought that maybe he'd be interested in me. I'm not really sure that he is, but recent experiences has proven otherwise which puts me in a very paradoxical situation; because he is of higher social status than me I don't have the power to turn him down without consequences. So far my suspisions of him fancying me have not been officially validated so I am yet to face such a dilemma.

The second guy is someone that I really like, one may even call him perfect (as far as I'm aware of at this stage). But because I have labelled him as such I am also investing myself emotionally more than he would. I shall start the dating process next week and recite how it goes, but unless he feels similar about me I will have put myself in a very risky position. Even though my friends have said that he is by no means better than me (perhaps equal on the social power barometer) I still cannot disregard the fact that he is very attractive, dresses really well (even better than me) and actually has a sense of orignial personality (which I've come to learn is quite rare these days!) What happens when you meet someone that is perhaps a little bit too perfect? Hopefully I will be able to find some flaws so that he will seem more equal to me.

Dating Fatigue

2009-02-04T18:03:00.002Z

So the whole social experiment I have been trying has proven to messier than I first anticipated. Partly due to that, as well as an increasing workload, I have taken a break in the past couple of weeks. Instead I have had some good nights out with friends; house parties in Hanover and Kemptown, the last ever Shibby's in Ghetto, expensive cocktails at various venues and a random birthday party. However, all these instances have left me somewhat pessimistic about the whole thing. How on earth do people actually meet each other? If you don't meet the significant other in bars, clubs or through your friends at random parties, as popular culture has taught us, then where exactly does it happen? For me it might just be a matter of state of mind, I seem to have had enough of the entire thing for the time being, so therefore I haven't had much intention to actually look. After a week of being heavily buried in academia I think I'm ready to jump back out there and see how it all happens. Drinks tonight anyone?

Kiss and Tell

2009-01-27T17:33:00.004Z

My life as a dating extraordinaire has taken up a lot of time in the past couple of weeks. Being busy means that I have failed to keep this blog updated as promised, but I shall now provide a summary of past events. It all started a couple of weeks ago with Mr. Week One, who I met up with on a quiet Sunday night. I already knew that I wasn’t really that into him, but went along for it anyway. It was a good night that ended with him driving me home agreeing to see him again the following week. He hadn’t really given any signals that would have suggested that he wanted anything more than friendship either, so I was content with the silent mutual agreement and looking forward to seeing him again. When I did, I completely abolished my ‘dating’ way of behaving and got really drunk with him in the same way I would with a friend. All was going well until about midnight, when after too many gin and tonics he suddenly kissed me. This guy that I had treated like a friend, and whom I thought shared similar thoughts about me clearly didn’t. I didn’t know what to do, and in my drunken state I went along with it, leaving me more confused than content. It’s not that I don’t like him, he’s a really nice person, but that’s not enough is it?

I’ve seen him another time since that night, and it was the same all over again. A couple of drinks in three and ten followed by him walking me to a taxi, and just when I thought we were back at being just friends he kissed me again. When did these things become so hard to decipher? I have always been under the impression that when you fancy someone that you’re dating it is going to be obvious. I am going to have to see him again sometime soon and decide where I want it to go, however I don’t want him to not want to keep seeing me just because I’m not interested in him. I wonder if it’s possible to get to a friendship stage after dating someone who fancies you.

Just the other week, I went out with Mr. Week two, who is a research student and seminar tutor at my university. Going out with a political scholar was a first for me, and proved to be an interesting account. I found it hard to separate the notion of him being different and interesting and me actually being into him. We ended up having a really good time around the city, ending with him giving me a ride on his bike throughout Kemptown Village in the middle of the night in the pouring rain. A couple of days later he went through the effort of sending me a text completely written in Swedish which was really sweet. I didn’t reply, which I know is really harsh, but I didn’t want to keep leading him on when I’m not interested, at least I learned something from Mr. Week One. However, I saw him on campus just the other day, which forced me to literally stop, turn around, and run away, having to take a ten minute detour to get to the bus stop. Clearly I’m not as mature about this as I initially thought.

2009 - The American Way

2009-01-20T09:25:00.004Z

After weeks of serious stressing over course work I finally have my life back. Seeing that it is a new year I've decided to take some proactive action and try 'American dating', just for fun. American dating, in this sense, is about dating loads of people that you might not actually be in to, as opposed to European dating where you only date people you've established that you fancy. This all seems easy, but has proved to be a bit more complicated. So far my rule is to date one person per week, which is ambitious I know. It has been a couple of weeks now, so I shall soon follow with retrospective accounts on how this experiment is going.

I Heart Spotify

2008-12-27T00:30:00.004Z

After resisting the pressure of the internet geek-culture regarding the whole Spotify thing, I've finally given in, and I must say I love it! For those of you who are unfamiliar with this amazing piece of software, wikipedia has got an extensive description here. But Spotify is basically a very simple and easy software, looks a bit like iTunes, and it is completely free and you basically get to listen to the music released my all major record labels out there. My initial thoughts about this were 'oh well, I can just listen on whatever music I want on youtube, why do I need Spotify?'. Well, I've now been converted. It's nice having this music player where you can kind of sample new music out there and see if you like it before buying of downloading it (great for finding good remixes too!). It's so easily used that you don't even think that you're playing music from the internet!

There is one small issue about Spotify however, which is that you can't just go to its website and download it. So far I think they want to keep it quite exclusive (hence limiting mass spam usage) before it's released to the general public (kinda like Facebook), so it's just invitation only at the moment (Let me know if you want one! I'm gonna try and figure out how to invite people), which is quite nice seeing as it's possible to actually choose a username which doesn't make you sound like a cyborg. Another thing is that paying for it is optional, but if you do you don't get the advertisements, however I've been listening to it now for 30 minutes straight without an advert so the free version is perfectly fine andwhen you get an advert it's literally just 10 seconds long, although mostly Scandinavian. Anyway, I'm off to explore loads of free music now!

Boxing Day Goodness - lights, camera, canon!

2008-12-26T21:42:00.004Z

I know Christmas isn't meant to be about material things, but I have to say that I've fallen in love with the camera I got from my parents. It looks like a shiny offspring of my old Canon Ixus that I had 5 years ago, but its oh so different with all its fancy features and 10 megapixels instead of a bulky old thing with merely 4. I think I will have a more visual approach to life from now on!

Homecoming - Rehab and Christmas Guilt

2008-12-25T00:13:00.002Z

Last Friday I ventured back to my native Sweden to retreat for the Christmas holidays. Because the airline I usually fly with went bankrupt due to the credit crunch, I had no other option but to get a KLM-flight to Stockholm, via Amsterdam (all other flights would have been over £200!). So getting to Heathrow, flying to Holland, flying to Stockholm and then getting home took a total of twelve hours, which is quite excessive for travelling between the UK and Scandinavia.

After recuperating at my parents’ house for a couple of days (In the medium sized city Västerås, an hour west of Stockholm) I went back to the small town Ludvika where I grew up (in the middle of nowhere, literally) to see some old friends. I was only there for two days, but it involved a non-alcoholic (!) Christmas party, seeing my friend’s newborn baby, going with another friend for a walk in the woods for two hours (not recommended in fancy trainers when the melted snow has frozen into very slippery ice). My entire time there was spent eating good food instead of pizza, drinking sparkling mineral water instead of wine, breathing fresh air instead of exhaust fumes. I seriously felt like I was in rehab! All this got too much for me and I escaped back to the urban civilization of Västerås and poured myself a massive gin and tonic to calm my nerves.

In Sweden we do Christmas on Christmas Eve, which means that it’s all over for me now. It hasn’t been that bad, apart from the fact that I decided not to get any presents for anyone this year. So what happens? Everyone bought presents for me! My brother got me a new mobile and my friends had all bought me nice gifts. It’s fine to move away to another country, but it’s another thing to come back for Christmas empty handed. I suppose the modern day Christmas causes more anxiety than happiness for most people anyway. However, now that it’s over, and returning to the real world is inevitable, I am faced with the more daunting task of writing 9000 words for the first week of term. Needless to say, the anxiety isn’t over just because Christmas is!

Swedish Beer and English Thoughts - Brighton has its moments

2008-12-16T01:49:00.005Z

Last night I went out with an old friend for a couple of drinks. We started off in The Black Lion and moved on to Northern Lights, and after some English pints and some lethal Scandinavian mulled wine (try it!) I was on my way home. Although I was a bit tipsy I can still recall being approached by an Eastern European guy who wondered if I wanted to have sex with him, as well as this random guy asking for fags and directions. After living in the same town for 2 years it has obviously become a bit dry and boring, so consequently I’ve been trying to find new experiences to enrichen my life (I went to a completely different hairdresser’s who managed to re-enact the immaculate cut made by my Spanish hairstylist), but maybe I should just stop whining and enjoy Brighton for what it is.

Shaken and Stirred

2008-12-08T17:39:00.003Z

The other day I found myself sipping £8 cocktails in this tiny little bar called Valentino right next to the Theatre Royal opposite the Pavilion Gardens in the North Laines (there was literally just a tiny door and staircase leading up to the bar which is located on top of a Mexican restaurant). It was a strange scene to be seen on considering that Brighton usually prides itself for its unpretentiousness. I just went out for a drink with an old friend, and suddenly I found myself surrounded by designer man-bags and shiny Blackberries. The bar was so small however, I felt like I was crashing the birthday gathering on the table next to us (which of course was a high-end birthday celebration with very expensive sparkling juice). But having a nice over-priced cocktail did bring a certain sense of nostalgia, taking me back to those cold Scandinavian winter nights where a nice Bourbon is the best way to keep warm. I don’t consider myself like the kind of person who would enjoy being in a bar like that, and I usually don’t, but on this particularly cold Saturday there was nothing better than a perfect Martini. Definitely worth a visit, even if it’s just to make fun of the entire situation from the best people-watching balcony in town!

Life on the D-List

2008-12-03T00:33:00.003Z

I know this blog has been a bit neglected recently, but to be perfectly honest, there hasn’t been much going on. I really don’t understand how I suddenly became so boring. I blame the cold in Brighton!

On another note, seeing as I have no real life of my own anymore, I have taken up spending hours on the internet as a form of procrastination from writing essays that never seem to materialise in time. Anyway, a couple of months ago I signed up for this online community called DList, but I quickly got bored of it. Now I have started using my account again, and this DList place, which is like a gay version of MySpace, has a feature called ‘In to you’ which basically lets you browse through its members and make judgements on complete strangers based on their profiles (much like the way we do in real life despite how much we deny it).

So after selecting your browsing options (based on location etc), you can choose between three options to judge each member, who only appears one at a time. You can either choose to ‘be in to them’ which automatically sends them a message saying that you are in to them. Or, you can chose to be anonymously in to them, which only appears as a ‘match’ if they ever randomly find you and choose to be in to you as well. Finally, you can just click ‘pass for now’ which just puts them in your ‘pass-folder’ (which is kept in case you change your mind).

I don’t understand! Is this how people meet each other these days?! Although I find it absolutely ridiculous, it is ever so addictive. Now when I look through my folders there are a countless number of people who I’ve either passed or chosen to be into anonymously. Only a couple of people are into me or under my so called ‘matches’. I thought cyber space was a place where socially awkward people could find a safe haven, but clearly this is not true. I think the internet is telling me to be more virtually outgoing.

On another note (again), I have a new favourite album, introduced to me by my dear friend Hannah. It's definitely worth checking out this eclectic mix of songs, so far this track has been played most on my iTunes:

They only want you when you’re seventeen, when you’re twenty-one you’re no fun!

2008-11-09T00:59:00.002Z

It all started a couple of weeks ago, as the foliage was changing colours Brighton got its usual dose of new young faces; the freshers. In a way we envy their innocence, but at the same time we can take pride in the fact that we are older and hopefully wiser. Most of the time they’re just ridiculously annoying, but we usually just pity them for not knowing any better because we know that we’ve all been young lost little teenagers once. And when we see them in our usual clubs and bars we might comment on their presence, but it’s never done with malevolent intentions. Until now. It’s fine if they want to come in to the world that we’ve made our own, but it’s another thing when they take over it.

The other week I went out with some friends to a usual Thursday hang-out for one of those non-pretentious binge drinking nights out, and this random guy started talking to me. I can’t really remember much from it, and it was a trivial conversation, but after that I started seeing him every single time I went out in Brighton. I am not even joking, this guy who is clearly a fresher was always there with all his other 18-year old friends getting pissed in a way that only teenagers can, consequently making me and my friends feel old and cynical whilst we were casually sipping gin in the corner. Still, I was not bitter about this, maybe they just like to go out loads?

However, after staying in for a while due to lack of money and way too much work to do I went out in Brighton for yet another drunken night at ‘girls on top’, and everything was going well until this one guy approached me, insisting that we’d met before. I just thought that it was either a really bad chat-up line, or that I had met him but forgotten about it. But when it happened a second time, and then a third time I got suspicious. The theory is that these 3 guys all thought I was the random fresher who’s been going to all the nights I’ve been going to lately (this was also confirmed by my friend's friend who thought I was him). He doesn’t even look anything like me, apart from sharing a similar ethnic background and going to the same club nights, but clearly that suffices for confusion of identity. Not only is there someone out there who people think is me, this someone just happen to be one of those freshers you secretly want to poison. I think the only solution to this is to drastically change appearance, or move!

My new favourite advert!

2008-11-09T00:46:00.004Z

I love this take on the scene from Risky Business, Heidi Klum rocks;

The Break-Up Rules 2008

2008-10-06T18:13:00.000+01:00

I recently found a note pad where I had written down, with the help of some friends, 15 crucial rules to abide after a break-up. Following these will make you feel better.

Only leave the house if you look perfect!
Make a fabulous sandwich
Make flags for Eurovision (this can be altered according to season. For instance, Christmas decoration, Halloween pumpkins etc)
Enjoy things your previous partner hated, for instance smoking.
Watch a tragic film that puts your life into a different perspective (I recommend The Colour Purple)
Have some wine and spliff and convince yourself how amazing you are
Just think, years ago you were the best sperm out of millions
Tell your wife she’s got a big ass (Endearing insults to someone close to you lets he/she know you care)
Catch up with domestic work
Watch Peep Show
Remember how good the sandwich was
Catch up on soaps
Eat a fancy pizza
Have more wine and spliff
Take a break from flag-making

The Four Month Itch

2008-10-01T09:08:00.000+01:00

Last night I did something that I have never done before in my life. My usual over-analytic self-consciousness was put aside when I was out having causal Tuesday night drinks with a friend of mine. As the cocktails magically kept disappearing from our glasses I noticed how this guy sitting by the table next to ours kept glancing over at me smiling modestly, but in a suggestive way. Driven by the four month itch and lack of personal romantic life, I ignored my usual low self-esteem and went over to the guy, introduced myself and gave him my phone number. Short and sweet. At the time I imagined it as a very sleek and confident approach, the reality dawned on me today in retrospect; I was four pitchers down and could hardly keep my balance in my dandy shoes.

What happens now is crucial, I could find this a very liberating confidence boost if he does text me, but if he doesn’t I will have to consider celibacy. It’s not like I really fancy him, rather it’s about finding out how (or rather, if) the whole dating thing works in real life. If he was this amazingly unattainable person I would accept defeat and not even bother, but if I can’t even charm someone in my own league what other options are there? What if he doesn’t text me? Or worse, what if he rings and I have to face an actual conversation? I reckon I should give him 72 hours before I’ll die of sheer embarrassment. Please ensure that the terms ‘disastrous’ and ‘mortified’ are included in the obituary.

And here's to you, Mrs. Robinson

2008-09-29T00:51:00.001+01:00

As the freshers are slowly settling down in Brighton, the start of University is gradually becoming a reality for the rest of us, rather than a distant notion. Knowing that the countless weeks of leisure are ending is quite sad, especially when going in to the final year. The most daunting thing however isn’t so much the actual start of term, rather it’s realisation that there is only one year left before you have to figure out what you want to do with your life. Being a student is so liberating, you don’t have to be on campus for more than a couple of hours a week, and there are termly instalments of money to get you through the times. But by the end of this year, the money you’ve spent will have to be paid back, and the option of staying in bed after a heavy night out will no longer exist. In a way I can’t wait to finish so that I can start my life properly, which is very liberating. But with that liberation we also have to face a lot of important decisions, such as am I going to stay in Brighton or move somewhere else? Am I going straight into a job or will I continue with a post-graduate degree? If you’re lucky these choices will seem obvious to you, but personally I don’t have a clue what to do.

Here comes the angry mob

2008-09-27T02:26:00.006+01:00

A friend of mine directed my attention to an interesting news article on the BBC website today which presented the latest in governmental attempts to reduce smoking in Britain. No longer will cigarette packets be embellished by health warnings communicated through words, rather they will have graphic images printed on them. As stated in the article: ‘The UK will next week become the first European country to introduce graphic images on cigarette packets to warn about the dangers of smoking. The 15 different images will include pictures of a diseased lung and heart surgery being performed.’ Am I the only one who thinks this is a bit much? I’m not denying that smoking is a serious health issue, but it’s not like the British public don’t know that smoking is bad. It has already been banned from every possible public space, the prices are already the highest I’ve ever seen in any country and help to quit smoking is offered without even the conscious effort of asking for it.

I would never say that smoking is good or encourage it in any way, but the social attitude towards it is almost becoming intolerable. The gossip news has recently criticized various celebrities for their smoking habits (such as Shenae Grimes which was featured on the E! website). It seems like it’s turning into a modern version of an angry mob, but instead of torches (which would be very ironic) it is campaigning with illnesses and Nicorette patches. My point is that smoking is bad, but it is also a conscious choice. Stress and alcohol also leads to fatal illnesses, so does that mean that the next Oxbridge University prospectuses will feature images of stomach ulcers and lithium pills? I’m all for health warnings, but surely enough is enough?

Links:
BBC Article
E! Website

Life without boundaries?

2008-09-25T20:19:00.003+01:00

I have now returned to Brighton and am dreading to unpack my ridiculously over-packed suitcase, yet again. But I am here to stay for a while now, and September in Brighton has turned out to be a lot better than I initially expected.

On another note, remember my friend who had a one night stand which lead to a relationship taking place only in the realm of modern communications? (I wrote about it a couple of months ago on July 2) She has now met up with him a couple of times, but as he doesn’t live nearby the majority of their relationship is still conducted through texting. As they have only met a couple of times, there hasn’t been much time to found a physical connection, although it seems that they are still progressing into an intimate relationship simply my means of communication.

The problem that has now occurred concerns the boundaries and definition of what they are doing; monogamy is simply suggested although never fully articulated. So the other night my friend and I ventured to a dark and dingy indie night in town, appropriately accompanied by countless bottles of wine and beer, leading to a very messy night out. In her drunken state my friend hooked up with this guy, one thing lead to another, you all know how it goes, and the next morning we were all a bit confused what ought to be the best way to deal with this situation.

The first option would be to tell her distant lover about this brief affair, which would consequently lead to a definition of their relationship. However, this could also mean that their relationship might end if he thinks they are already being monogamous, so we decided this wasn’t the best plan. Instead she will pretend nothing ever happened and since he doesn’t live anywhere near here or has any friends in common with her, there is no way he would ever find out. She is regretting the incident itself, but she’s not sure whether or not it qualifies as cheating. So until monogamy has been established they both have to live in this limbo relationship where cheating, or rather ‘non-cheating’ is a possibility. It seems strange to me how a relationship that is built up on so much actual communication can lack so much communication.

I also had a good night out last night, just randomly meeting new people and going to places in Brighton I never thought I would ever bring myself to go to. It all ended on the beach where we were drinking wine till seven in the morning, a true Sugar Rush moment. I have recently felt quite claustrophobic in Brighton, seeing as it’s quite small and everyone knows each other. It’s hard to get away and escape when everyone you meet is either a friend of a friend, or a flatmate of an ex etc. But last night made think of this in a more positive way; because it’s so small and its social communities are so enclosed makes it possible to just have a really good time in different places allowing spontaneous nights out and random experiences to happen.

A skinny update

2008-09-19T23:14:00.002+01:00

Recently my life has been more eventful than usual, or rather, I have been moving around between different places more than I normally do. This has lead to unintentional neglect of my precious blog, for which I apologise and will try to make up for now. These random locations mean that my internet access has been limited by the ticking clock in the bottom left corner of the screen at internet café’s or the constant worry of being caught using the internet at work, so posts from the past couple of months have been written in a slight hurry which explains the descent in quality. (After browsing through old posts I have noticed that there are a shameful amount of errors in spelling, typing and grammar, and as a third year humanities student I should really do better.)

I will now try and summarise my main experiences from the past couple of weeks, or at least what I can remember. After coming home from the Isle of Wight I was ridiculously ill for days (and still am to some extent!), I went to a random house party full of people I didn’t know. The theme was ‘glitter’ (Meaning sparkling make-up and clothes, not scary Mariah Carey film) and the people there were mostly young non-students residing in Brighton. The amount of drugs and glitter circling around made me feel like I was in Party Monster. Well, a heterosexual Party Monster taking place in Queen’s Park in a house shared by three telesales agents. I felt like an anthropologist in this new social group, so I ended up spending most of the night in the corner of the living room with another girl who didn’t know anyone either. The fact that she looked like Courtney Love and kept on feeding me mandy made it quite a good night.

Otherwise I have just been idle in Brighton, doing leisurely things now that I don’t have a job or have any University work to do. I have gone to the Sussex country side and seen a camel, bought three series of the L word and have (in theory) become a lesbian, gone to random pubs and, most importantly, seen loads of people I don’t normally spend time with in Brighton. Some of which are old friends I haven’t seen in years, and some are new friends I’m used to see in other places of the world. All this has made September in Brighton brighten up as it initially appeared gray and gloomy after coming back from Madrid.

I am currently in Sweden for a six day visit to the home country and it’s cold as usual. I got here on Tuesday and within two hours after landing I was in an IKEA-store eating meatballs. I have also visited the small town where I grew up, and a lot has changed! The town still looks the same, it still has the pale coloured buildings making sure nothing stand out too much, the smelly alcoholics are still sitting outside the train station and there are as usual cracked shop windows that have been subjected to drunken mischief. The changes however are to be found in my friends, one of whom is six months pregnant and another has turned into a groupie on the Swedish rock scene. I reckon that if I were to analyse myself I would find that I have gradually become a different person from the slightly neurotic teenager that left Sweden a few years ago. However, I don’t think I’m ready for such a revelation just yet, and I think I would need someone else’s perspective in order to make a fair evaluation... or maybe I'm just scared that I haven't changed at all?

‘Just watch out for the dead bunny outside…’

2008-09-04T00:23:00.000+01:00

This is something I usually never hear living in Brighton, but after spending a couple of days on the Isle of Wight and experiencing proper English country side, this is no longer an unfamiliar statement. I went to the Island for my friend Sadie’s 20^th birthday party, which was themed ‘Smartie party’. Needless to say there are some very colourful facebook tags now appearing all over my profile. I was actually meant to stay there until tomorrow and continue having a nice little holiday surrounded by the green downs, but yesterday I was overthrown by a swollen throat and a fever, so I retreated to my bed in Brighton, which I haven’t left properly since 3 o’clock this afternoon. I hate being ill, and especially when it comes in the way of living your life!

So it has now been about a week since I got back to England, and I must say that it wasn’t hard to find myself back into British routines (such as walking when possible to avoid the costs of public transport). And until I went to the Island I hadn’t ever been outside London or Brighton during the 2 years I’ve been living here, quite shameful really.

Volver

2008-08-26T11:06:00.003+01:00

Today is the day I am meant to leave Madrid, my new found Spanish home. Saying goodbye to everyone is sad, but coming back to England will be nice, if not cold! It has been a surreal experience to say the least, spending the past 7 weeks in Spain testing computer games for EA, being able to say things like 'Oh yeah, my company pays for my flat in the city centre'. Now however I have to face going back to the real life. The life that is dissertations, exams, standing orders and direct debits. Being here has given me the privelige to get away from such things, like an illusionary bubble that is just about to burst. It's about time though, one can only live in this bubble so long before you start to see that it's not real.

So the events leading up to my departure has been memorable to say the least. For some reason I must have a very trusting appearance as everyone seems to share their deepest darkest (or probably just the juiciest) secrets with me despite me wanting to hear it or not. It will be interesting to see what the bubble is going to look like from a distance, from an everyday perspective.

Today most of the Babel people had to be re-allocated, so loads are changing flatmates and flats. My housemates had to move out as well, and at the moment there are cleaners in our flat preparing it for the next tenants who are moving in tonight, and whilst all others are at work I'm just waiting for the afternoon to pass so I can go to the airport. I am dreading taking the underground with my million kilo suitcase. I am soon gonna have to go back to the flat and get my anchor in life. I am however more excited about going to Brighton than I've been in a long time!

Plans

2008-08-19T14:12:00.003+01:00

So the new plan is, leaving Madrid and going to back to Brighton on Monday the 25th where I will be having some well deserved holiday time. On the 16th of September I'm going to Sweden for about a week, to have some more holiday time (in apparently warmer temperatures than Brighton) and then I'll be back in England just in time for Uni. This could totally work!

Good Times

2008-08-15T14:17:00.003+01:00

Last night I ended up going to this place in Madrid called La Latine, where thay had a massive street party with people and drinks everywhere. We got there looking for a flatparty, without knowing where they lived or even an adress, but things in Spain seem to resolve themselves and we eventualy got there. After a couple of disgusting vodka rasperry with coke it was definately time to go out an join the crowds. As usual, circumstances lead us to somewhere completely different from La Latina, and after paying for a cab to go to a club five minutes before they closed I ended up on a random walk through half the city with some of my Babel friends, but also some of the Scandinavians that work for EA. Itçs all a bit blurry to be honest, but despite being a night of mainly walking around till the early hours in the morning, I still had a good time.

The other night we decided to escape Spain and out attempts to speak Spanish and went to an Irish pub, where they spoke English! Madrid is so different from eveywhere else in Spain I have ever bee, literally no one speaks English, which is good because I am forced to practice my Spanish on a daily basis, but on that day we just wanted a break and get pissed in English. Being in the Irish pub, with the football playing and hearing the random American/English/Irish music was quite cute in a nice way. I feel so much more at home in England, than I do in Sweden which is kind of strange.

So it is now friday, a national Bank Holiday in Spain, so I've got the entire weekend a head of me. Hopefully there will be more good times ahead.

A different life in Spain

2008-08-12T09:29:00.006+01:00

So far I have had quite a positive experience here, but some have not been as lucky. My friend Bridget has had some serious drama coming at here from every possible corner since she got here. Her life reminds me of a Hollyoaks story-line so therefore I will outline the main incidents, just because my own life doesn't really compare.

So it all started when we left the hotel to move into the flats in the city. The girls she had initially decided to live with rearranged their plans, so she ended up living with this random 30 something Italian guy. Being a positive Scandinavian she had an optimistic attitude towards this living arrangement allthough the situation wasn't ideal. However, the first night in the flat, the Italian guy made some intimate suggestions leaving her very doubtful about these living condtitions. When she firmly refused, he kept on suggesting her to bring friends around and hook him up. The entire situation got so akward and uncomfortable that after a couple of days she had sorted out another place to live.

She was moving in to this new flat, which was this really amazing top floor flat with a terrace and now she was going to be living with two Dutch girls who she got along with quite well. On the night of the move we were on the metro on the way home from work and this group of dirty teenage girls started making a crowd around her as she got off the train, and within a second they had stolen her wallet with all credit cards, cash, etc in it. She being a determined girl she got back on the train, to confront the girls, but as she got back on they ran off again. Me and some of my friends were there, but everything happened so quick we didn't even register. So Bridget got rid of the Italian creep, but lost her wallet and means of access to money.

After this incident she got really ill, and because she had lost her wallet, she didn't have any social insurance or anything to go to a hospital. But after fighting the illness by herself, she found herself fighting with her boyfriend from home ever single day. However, her boyfriend did come to Madrid to stay for a week, but as they intended to have a nice time in Spain and work things out, the constant fighting continued. So as she was saying goodbye to him at the airport they decided to break up.

Now, this is when it turns into a 'out-of-this-world' experience. The day after she broke up with her boyfriend we got a list sent round to us about the leaving dates for all the Babel people, and of course all the names of the newly arrived people were on it. She was shocked to see that one of the names, were in fact the name of her ex boyfriend from a couple of years ago. And not even a normal kind of ex, but a proper psycho one that had taken over so much of her life and ruined his own life and others. How did he end up working in the same company in Madrid, and even being outsourced by the same British company? It's either such a random cross of life paths, or it's just a creepy stalker situation. Who knows. Anyway, the lack of my own personal drama doesn't seem to affectr me, as I am always surrounded by other people's soap-like experiences.

Life in Spain

2008-08-08T14:09:00.003+01:00

I am now nearly hitting the one month mark, meaning that I have been livingin Madrid for a month now. What I'm noticing as a consequence is that everything is becoming so familiar and comfortable, and sometimes it even feels like being stuck in a rut. This becomes even more apparent when having a ful time job, five days a week, eight hours a day. New people are constantly joining the Babel work force, whilst friends are gradually going back home. What they do, is literally, replace one games tester with another, who has a similar linguistic background so that they can fill the shoes of the departed tester. Makes me wonder who is going to replace me when I leave in three weeks?

On another note, I had a very interesting conversation with a freind of mine the other day. Let me get you up to speed; this girl is here in Madrid under the same condiations as me, working for EA temporarily until early September as a games tester. The space and time factors are crucial in this scenario, as we are only here in Madrid for such a limited period of time. Anyway, this girl started getting very friendly with this guy (who is also a games tester, and leaving in just a week or so), so one thing inevitably leads to another and you all know what happens. The problem with this situation isn't so much the guy himself, it is just that it appears pointless to even engage in a proper relationship when being in this 'expiration-dating' (lol, I'm not taking credit for that term) situation. You could see it as a holiday fling, but the underlying dynamics in a relationship build under these circumstances is that you are not on a holiday for a week to get pissed on a beach and then fuck off home. Clearly this girl is very unsure about how to deal with the relationship emerging with this guy, but she suggested an interesting perpective on how to look at it; ie as just something to add a bit of extra spice to the presence. I then cynically replied that this guy is a person, not oregano. But I think she definately might be on to something. Don't expect a significant other to bring you a main course, just consider it some extra flavour on the side. Well, at least when the space and time factors are so limited.

Otherwise, what have I been up to lately? Working of course. Oh, had a proper piss up the other day, and have never felt so sick ever! In these situations I really miss university where you can just stay in bed if you want to, instead of crawling out of bed on to a 45 minutes journey on the underground, just to be sat in an office for the rest of the day.

Anyway, I just bought Heat magazine, and I'm gonna go sunbathe by the pool I found yesterday, only 10 minutes away!

Hung over and ill, but my hair is even better

2008-08-02T12:12:00.003+01:00

OK so it finally hit me, all the late nights, the lack of sleep and good food have made me really ill. Well, I suppose a soar throath isn't actually really ill, but it's still very annoying. I got my hair cut yesterday at a very nice up-market Spanish salon. The end result was amazing, but getting there really wasn't. The hairdresser was really nice and it gave an hour and a half to really put my Spanish skills to the test. But for some reason Spanish hairdressers aren't as gentle and cautious as you would expect them to be in the UK. This guy was literally pulling my hair so hard I had to bite my lip to not say anything. The drying, the cutting, the straightening, the styling were all just one torture after the other. However, after he went medieval on my ass (please excuse the Pulp Fiction reference) it ended up being one of the best hair cuts of my life.
Despite being being ill I did end up on a random night out starting with one of the best Thai restaurants I have ever been too. After some drinks here and there (I'm just fast-forwarding like 6 hours of drinking till about 3 am) we decided to go to this club. Now I have been in Madrid for weeks now, and I go out nearly every night, but so far I hadn't been to a proper club. It was a medium sized place but the funny thing was the random mix between the two dancefloors that reminded me so much of Brighton. Upstairs was really busy, really crowded and really cheesy as they were playing 80's and 90's anthems. Downstairs in the same club was not that crowded at all, it was a lot darker with sleek and modern interior. It looked like it had been spawned by Candy Bar and Charles St and they were playing electro and house. The music was actually really shit when compared to English standards, but it generally is here in Spain. I am starving for some good beats!

Random Encounters

2008-07-30T19:03:00.003+01:00

After being here in Madrid for a couple of weeks, people are finally assuming I'm a local rather than some imported games tester. My spanish skills have improved and I'm finally starting to look at this city as a second home. I am however feeling very rough though, too much drinking, not enough sleep and to much working is really starting show its effects. I did however have a very nice experience buying a designer deodorant as I think the shopkeeper fancied me so he gave me loads of free expensive stuff and a discount, so at least you can't see any physical markers of this very unhealthy lifestyle. Another random occurance was yesterday when I was meant to go clubbing with some people from work. After having a couple of drinks around plaza mayor we went to a friends house who has an amazing terrace right by one of the city squares. We then decided to go out somehwere, but it took us like an hour before we found a decent place to go, and once we were there part of the group wasn't really up for it so we decided to call it a night and go home. As I was walking the 5 minutes back to my flat there was as usual random men saying stuff to me in the streets. However, this time I actually stopped and answered back. After some random conversation they insisted that I should come with them to this club round the corner, which I did. When I got there they were buying me drinks and I was really enjoying spending time with some locals. However I had to leave after about an hour as there was this one creepy guy stalking me in the club and this other man who just wanted me to come home with him. By then it was also half 4 and I had to get up to go to work 4 hours later, and the stalker man was really fucking scary. Still, it was a really good night out but I am going to have to avoid that street for a while now. Another random encounter happened the other day when I was out on a sqaure after midnight having some beers with my flatmates friend from home. This spanish bum started talking to us and trying to sell us shit weed (seriously, it was well funky, it was probably just a random house plant). Anyway, when we decided to go home this g¡rl appeared and would not stop talking to us. She was really nice and I don't think her intentions were bad, but it was getting quite annoying. As we were approaching my flat ten minutes later she was still really eager to continue walking and talking alongside us. Not being a good quick thinker I just told her 'Mi casa está en este calle, y él es mi novio'. Luckily my flatmates heterosexual friend didn't undestand what it meant, but it was very effective. I will also have to avoid that square for a while.

Home from home

2008-07-27T09:31:00.002+01:00

This morning I woke up really early which was strange, cause I really needed the sleep. I decided to venture down to my trusted little internet cafe by plaza del sol with an iced frappuccino from starbucks and strutting my new trainers I bought from Footlocker the other day. Basically, it's just like home. That is so sad! The weekend was good though, the air condition thingy in my room started leaking and I now have a little puddle of water on the floor that I'm becoming increasingly fond of. Yesterday I got woken up by a crazy Danish girl jumping around in my bed, and I spent last night getting pissed with some Dutch people. Basically, it's just like home but with more nationalities.

Queerspotting

2008-07-25T14:49:00.003+01:00

So last night we had our EA work party at an Irish pub somewhere in Madrid. The drinks were free which was a really bad idea. Getting there an hour before the bar closed made me get numerous drinks at the same time leading to extreme Madridian drunkeness. Even though I can't remember much of it, I can remember the confusion the night had entailed. This Swedish guy who everyone thought was gay and fancied me was apparently straight, the same with the Italian guy I was chatting with most of the evening. In Brighton we're used to experiencing people's identities in a blunt way, and that was how I percieved it to be here as well. Apparently the social and cultural signifiers of a certain identity translates more differently than I initially thought. More gossip by the way, as I was walking down to the internet cafe today (Spanish bank holiday, no work!!) this girl and a guy asked if they could take a picture of me for their work. For those who know me, sound familiar? Hopefully it was with good intentions and I won't end up on some random Spanish porn site.

Transnational Observations

2008-07-24T14:02:00.003+01:00

So I’ve been in Madrid for nearly two weeks now and have started settling in properly. I have even started to understand what the work is about as well. It has become more and more apparent however how repetitive your life cycle is. Regardless of where you are in the world, in whatever situation, that human relationships are similarly constructed. With only a couple of weeks in there has been so much gossip going around the Babel people (ie about 30 of us who are all outsourced by Babel and not working directly for the company). People are sleeping together, hating each other, loving their new flatmates. There is a network of human connections that is enacted in this new social space. In the first couple of days everyone seemed really open to get to know everyone, which is usually the case. But now, everyone has started to form little groups, not in an exclusive way, but there is a general consensus of who the geeks are and who the pissheads are. There has also been a lot of ‘Oh yeah, I don’t really like that girl, umm, she’s nice but she annoys the hell out of me.’ Or, ‘Yeah the new people are alright, they just seem a bit annoying and arrogant’ or even 'Oh yeah, that Italian guy on the 1st floor is just too fit!'. When faced with such statements, one has no choice but to agree or disagree, and whatever you choose determines your place in this social matrix. Basically it is just like home, but with other people. It is quite sad really that it is so hard escaping these social templates. Even when being in a new country with people you’ve never met before from countries all over Europe it is still just the same as being at home.

1st year revisited

2008-07-20T17:29:00.002+01:00

OK, so I have been in Madrid for about a week now, and have now reached that point at work where I don't care that we're not meant to be using the internet. It's not like I would be able to spread confidential information anyway, since I don't actually understand anything. So yeah, I have spent this sunday afternoon pretending to work, but it's so hot in Madrid so it's quite nice to have a job here anyway because you're not likely to go outside during the days anyway. The nights are amazing though, and the people are as well. Everyone here is so laid back and open and you end up meeting loads of people on a night out and you end up having the best random nights ever!
The first couple of days here me, and all the other Babel people, were living in a hotel. The hotel was nice, very nice proper business hotel, right next to work. Only problem is, it's too far away from the city. Yeah, you can take the metro into town, but it's just so long on a night out. So we all moved into flats a couple of days ago, and the entire situation was just like being at University, only that everything happens during a shorter time span. We all have to live in flats of two or three, ludckily this turned out quite well for me. The flat is so nice and big, and it's right in the centre of the city in this area that is kind of like kemptown, but with more sex shops. Living in the hotel was just like being in halls, and now we're in our 'second year' living in the city. Last night I stayed in with my two flatmates for the first time; drank some wine, got lean and watched American Dad. Sound familiar?
Other than that I have been out every night since I got here, and there is so much to tell but I can't seem to remember anything! Miss Brighton though

An offer I can’t refuse, can I?

2008-07-11T11:09:00.002+01:00

Yesterday evening I got a phone call from Babel Media asking me if I wanted to work for them in Madrid. Yes, Madrid, as in Spain! It would be for a couple of weeks, or until the end of August if I want to. They’re paying for flights and accommodation and the job pays £8/hour. It all sounds really good, the only problem is that they want me to leave on Monday. The woman on the phone startled me with this proposal, and I accepted before I had too much time to think about it. In theory it all works out, I get a mini gap-year without actually taking one, and instead of going abroad through University and having to do a four year degree this will only be temporary. And I haven’t been on holiday for 3 years, and it doesn’t look like I would be able to afford one anytime soon, so going to Spain and getting paid for it would be ideal. I am practically starting to think about this now, and all the things that I need to sort out today, and it all seems a bit much, but if I don’t go I know I’ll end up regretting it.

As if this wasn’t enough the second year results come up on Sussex Direct today, only one hour left. Terrified!

A Nightmare on the High Street

2008-07-10T12:32:00.004+01:00

Seeing as I am pretty much desperate for a job I attended a ‘Recruitment Night’ at Newlook yesterday. As I arrived after store had shut there was a big crowd of young people waiting outside hoping to get a job. I was feeling slightly discouraged by this mass of people, but decided to make the best of the situation as I had already gotten myself there. I had no idea what a ‘Recruitment Night’ actually entailed, and I was hoping that it was just going to be some sort of interview situation. Oh how wrong I was.

The Newlook people opened up the doors and led us all downstairs to the accessories department, and there must have been at least fifty retail aspirants there. The store manager came out and started explaining what was going to happen. Basically we were going to be divided into groups of six, each member of the group got a celebrity profile and you had three minutes to run to the rails behind the escalator to find the perfect outfit for your celebrity. The nightmare only started there. Once the time was up and you had gathered the outfit, you had to present it, not just in front of the managers and the five other members of the group, but to everyone who was there! After this endeavour the managers would deliberate and decide if you would go through to the interview process or if you failed and had to leave. After this was explained, there was about twenty people who gave up and left the store, but I figured that I should at least give it a go seeing as I really needed the job. Luckily I wasn’t in one of the first couple of groups of six, so the massive group had gotten a bit smaller as the managers had weeded it out. But there was more at stake here than just a job, my fashion status was going to be put under severe scrutiny. So eventually it was my turn, and I was hoping to get an easily dressed celebrity such as Posh or Sienna Miller, but no. My celebrity to dress was ‘Kerry Katona on a day out with her daughters’, what the fuck was I meant to do with that?! Fighting over the good clothes on the rails with the five other members of my group made me feel like I was on a reality TV-show. After a couple of minutes we had to present our choices to what was left of the massive group of people. This was more stressful than an oral presentation at university (which you would at least have been able to prepare for). Then my group of six had to go upstairs whilst the managers deliberated on who could stay and who couldn’t. They came upstairs armed with the choices they’ve made. They called out my name, this other boy’s name and this girl’s name. The situation was so surreal I was expecting Tyra Bank’s voice to say ‘congratulations, you are still in the running of becoming Newlooks next top sales associate’. Luckily the three names she called were the names of the people who would stay to do an actual interview. I had successfully managed to pass the first elimination. I didn’t even care that much about the interview in the end, and least my sense of style wasn’t crushed like an unfashionable bug. I better get the fucking job.