They only want you when you’re seventeen, when you’re twenty-one you’re no fun!

It all started a couple of weeks ago, as the foliage was changing colours Brighton got its usual dose of new young faces; the freshers. In a way we envy their innocence, but at the same time we can take pride in the fact that we are older and hopefully wiser. Most of the time they’re just ridiculously annoying, but we usually just pity them for not knowing any better because we know that we’ve all been young lost little teenagers once. And when we see them in our usual clubs and bars we might comment on their presence, but it’s never done with malevolent intentions. Until now. It’s fine if they want to come in to the world that we’ve made our own, but it’s another thing when they take over it.

The other week I went out with some friends to a usual Thursday hang-out for one of those non-pretentious binge drinking nights out, and this random guy started talking to me. I can’t really remember much from it, and it was a trivial conversation, but after that I started seeing him every single time I went out in Brighton. I am not even joking, this guy who is clearly a fresher was always there with all his other 18-year old friends getting pissed in a way that only teenagers can, consequently making me and my friends feel old and cynical whilst we were casually sipping gin in the corner. Still, I was not bitter about this, maybe they just like to go out loads?

However, after staying in for a while due to lack of money and way too much work to do I went out in Brighton for yet another drunken night at ‘girls on top’, and everything was going well until this one guy approached me, insisting that we’d met before. I just thought that it was either a really bad chat-up line, or that I had met him but forgotten about it. But when it happened a second time, and then a third time I got suspicious. The theory is that these 3 guys all thought I was the random fresher who’s been going to all the nights I’ve been going to lately (this was also confirmed by my friend's friend who thought I was him). He doesn’t even look anything like me, apart from sharing a similar ethnic background and going to the same club nights, but clearly that suffices for confusion of identity. Not only is there someone out there who people think is me, this someone just happen to be one of those freshers you secretly want to poison. I think the only solution to this is to drastically change appearance, or move!